Database administration Memes

Ah, the classic database decree! On the left: "Foreign keys are illegal" and on the right: "All columns must be strings." It's basically the executive order that would make any database administrator contemplate a career change. Nothing says "I have absolutely no idea how databases work" quite like mandating string-only columns while banning foreign keys. Congratulations, you've just signed into law the creation of data integrity nightmares and query performance disasters! Next up: "NULL values are now taxed at 30%."

This meme is pure database nerd gold! It cleverly parodies political news by imagining Trump imposing tariffs on "foreign keys" - which in database terms are constraints that link tables together in relational databases. The punchline about "American keys are bigger, better, and will make your database great again" is brilliant because it plays on Trump's nationalistic rhetoric while making a ridiculous claim about database architecture that would horrify any DBA. The final touch about Microsoft and Oracle being "somewhat happy" is *chef's kiss* - implying these tech giants would profit from this chaos while database administrators everywhere have existential crises about how to "manage relationships now." Just like real politics affecting real industries!