Inside Me There Are Two Wolves: UX Edition

Content Must haves this is an AND) N years in a software engineering role supporting real production systems at scale (for reasonable N). You've built shit; you've broken shit; you've gotten the 2am Pager Duty call and saved the day. Experience with Node, Postgres, Snowflake, PrefectAirflow, and other related technologies. If you think these are dumb choices, tell us why. Be smart and get shit done. Be a doer and a risk-taker. Nice to haves (this is an OR) Experience in web 2 ad tech, attribution, or user growth. You know how the Web 2 user sausage is made. Knowledge of and interest in crypto protocols and Web 3 projects. Experience with blockchain data tooling and infrastructure (what little there is). ProdrammerHumor io

Content Salary 550-650 Location Dublin City Centre, Dublin, Republic of Ireland Type Contract Start ASAP UI Software Architect 101154 Desired skills: React, Angular, UI, Front End, Java Hybrid (In Ireland), 1 day per week in office 12-month contract We are teaming up with a Dublin-based client who requires a Software Architect who specialises in UI to join their growing team. ' will be joining their team as a technical leader to help define the technical direction and strategy for the existing team. If you have deep technical knowledge of React this could be a great fit for you! Requirements: 6 years' experience as a Software Developer 53 years expertise with React and Angular Strong experience with JavaScript, TypeScript, Query Strong experience in Unit Testing with Jasmine etc

California passes a data privacy law and everyone's celebrating like we just invented fire. Meanwhile, corporations have been hoarding your data like dragons sitting on treasure for decades, selling it to anyone with a credit card. Now you can finally request deletion... after filling out a form... that requires verification... which needs more of your data... to delete your data. The real joke? They'll just buy it back from the other 47 data brokers who already have it. But sure, let's call it a "huge win" and pretend that one DELETE request is gonna make Facebook forget you exist. Your data's been replicated across more servers than there are Starbucks locations at this point. Fun fact: Most companies will just soft-delete your records anyway and keep them "for legal purposes" in a backup somewhere. It's like asking the internet to forget—technically possible, practically hilarious.

Content Hacker Scripts Based on a true story: xxx: OK, so, our build engineer has left for another company. The dude was literally living inside the terminal. You know, that type of a guy who loves Vim, creates diagrams in Dot and writes wiki-posts in Markdown... If something - anything requires more than 90 seconds of his time, he writes a script to automate that. xxx: So we're sitting here, looking through his, uhm, "legacy" xxx: You're gonna love this xxx: smack-my-bitch-up.sh - sends a text message "late at work" to his wife (apparently). Automatically picks reasons from an array of strings, randomly. Runs inside a cron-job. The job fires if there are active SSH-sessions on the server after 9pm with his login. xxX: kumar-asshole.sh - scans the inbox for emails from "Kumar" (a DBA at our clients). Looks for keywords like "help", "trouble", "sorry etc. If keywords are found - the script SSHes into the clients server and rolls back the staging database to the latest backup. Then sends a reply "no worries mate, be careful next time". xxX: hangover.sh - another cron-job that is set to specific dates. Sends automated emails like "not feeling wellgonna work from home" etc. Adds a random "reason" from another predefined array of strings. Fires if there are no interactive sessions on the server at 8:45am. xxX: (and the oscar goes to) fucking-coffee.sh - this one waits exactly 17 seconds (!), then opens a telnet session to our coffee-machine (we had no frikin idea the coffee machine is on the network, runs linux and has a TCP socket up and running) and sends something like sys brew. Turns out this thing starts brewing a mid-sized half-caf latte and waits another 24 (!) seconds before pouring it into a cup. The timing is exactly how long it takes to walk to the machine from the dudes desk. xxx: holy sht I'm keeping those

When worlds collide! Tech person sets up friend with data scientist who mentions working in a "warehouse" - but not the kind with forklifts and cardboard boxes. The fashion industry friend immediately dismisses him thinking he's stacking pallets for minimum wage, only to find out he's actually crunching numbers and building models (the data kind, not the runway kind). The perfect illustration of how technical jargon gets completely lost in translation. Guess she was too busy looking for dollar signs to understand that data scientists actually make bank. Her shallow response is basically every tech worker's nightmare dating scenario condensed into one painful screenshot.

Content Create a new language Actually 10 people still use them so now you cannot remove it due to backwards compatibility Add some quirky features that nobody will use Nobody uses those niche ass features because they are impractical and useless ProdrammerHumor.io