When C Has An Identity Crisis

Two types of C programmers in the wild. On the left, the algorithm purist who builds a nested loop monstrosity with variables like "i" and "j" because apparently naming variables is too mainstream. On the right, the pragmatist who just hardcodes the damn star pattern and goes home early. The left guy is still debugging his loop indices while the right guy is already enjoying his weekend. Sure, it's not "elegant" or "scalable," but it works and nobody's going to maintain this code anyway. Let's be honest, we've all been both of these people at different points in our careers.

Left: Game dev crying because Unity changed their pricing model and now they need a second mortgage to make a 2D platformer. Right: The bearded C++ developer who's been writing their own engine since 2003 and still hasn't released a game, but boy does that skybox rendering look crisp. It's the classic tradeoff - use a commercial engine and get destroyed by licensing fees, or build your own and get destroyed by feature creep. Either way, your game is never shipping.

Kid: "Can we stop and get some C++?" Mom: "We have C++ at home." The C++ at home? Rust with its infamous borrow checker slapping you with unsafe fn main() warnings every time you try to do literally anything fun with memory. It's like asking for a sports car and getting a tank with 47 seatbelts and a breathalyzer. Sure, it'll get you there... after you fill out the proper paperwork in triplicate and promise not to touch anything shiny.

When given the choice between proper multi-line comments /* */ and just spamming single-line comments // // // // , developers consistently choose chaos. It's not laziness—it's a lifestyle choice. The satisfaction of hammering that forward slash twice is just too powerful to resist. Plus, who needs structure when you can create a beautiful staircase of comment slashes that perfectly represents your declining code quality?

Ah yes, the presidential decree of bad programming practices. Nothing says "Make Software Great Again" like starting arrays at 1 (a crime in most programming languages), using only global variables (the radioactive waste of code), and deploying untested code straight to production on a Friday (the ultimate "I hate my weekend" power move). It's basically an executive order to create job security through chaos. Ten years of debugging later, you'll still be finding remnants of this administration in your codebase.

Behold the FizzBuzz solution that thinks it's a Picasso! Someone redefined all the brackets and braces with custom ASCII art, then implemented the most over-interviewed algorithm in history. It's like putting a tuxedo on a coding test everyone's seen a million times. The real art here isn't the FizzBuzz solution—it's making your code reviewer question their will to live when they have to maintain this masterpiece. Bonus points for the pretentious title "Just Art" as if this isn't the coding equivalent of wearing a fedora to a job interview.