Want Something To Cry About?

Ah, the classic semicolon joke! The candidate isn't talking about martial arts—they're referencing their ability to debug code by adding that crucial semicolon that fixes everything. After 15 years in tech, I've seen countless bugs solved by a single character. The second time they say "I can do Karate;" they've added a semicolon, which in programming languages like JavaScript, C++, or Java is how you terminate statements. It's basically saying "My superpower is finding the missing semicolon that's breaking your entire codebase." Trust me, that's a more valuable skill than breaking boards with your hands.

Regular developers measure performance in milliseconds or microseconds because that's what modern tools show them. Meanwhile, the true optimization psychopaths are counting individual CPU clock cycles like it's 1982. They're the ones rewriting entire functions in assembly just to save 3 cycles in a loop that runs twice a day. The difference between "fast enough" and "I need to know exactly how many nanoseconds each instruction takes."

OH. MY. GOD. The AUDACITY of using a WHOLE INTEGER for a measly 1-10 counter when you could stuff those bits into the dark corners of other variables! 💅 Embedded engineers are LITERALLY having heart palpitations right now. In their world, every byte is sacred, every bit a precious child that must be optimized to within an inch of its life. Meanwhile, you're over here WASTING 24+ PERFECTLY GOOD BITS like some kind of memory billionaire throwing cash from a helicopter! The sheer memory gluttony. The optimization blasphemy. I can't even.

The programming language family drama continues! Here we have D (the forgotten language with the red logo) watching as the cool kids C, Go, and Rust hang out at the programming party. Poor D is literally wearing a party hat but nobody remembers it was supposed to be C++'s successor before all these trendy new languages showed up. D actually had garbage collection and modern features before it was cool, but now it's like that uncle who keeps saying "I invented that!" while everyone awkwardly sips their coffee. Meanwhile, Go is getting all the cloud jobs, Rust is being crowned for memory safety, and C just keeps trucking along like the immortal language it is.

Ah yes, the revolutionary O(n) sorting algorithm that's "faster than merge sort" — just ask the user to input an already sorted array. Genius level problem-solving right there. This is the coding equivalent of claiming you've invented a teleportation device when you're actually just telling people to walk to their destination. The real innovation is the sheer audacity.

The statement "C and C++ are perfect languages for building high-performance systems" is true. The statement "C and C++ aren't only some of the easiest programming languages" is false. So false it hurts. Like segmentation fault hurts. Anyone who calls C/C++ "easy" has either been coding since the 70s or enjoys manual memory management the way some people enjoy getting teeth pulled without anesthesia. Sure, they're blazing fast, but so is falling down a flight of stairs.