The Ultimate Parental Punishment Method

The dark magic of build systems strikes again! Kitware, the company behind CMake, somehow claims 24 million users despite no one ever voluntarily identifying as a "CMake user." It's like that moment when you realize you've been drafted into an army you never signed up for. The Saruman imagery is perfect because using CMake feels exactly like staring into a mysterious orb that shows you cryptic error messages while slowly draining your will to live. We all just wanted to compile our code, but instead we're part of some grand arcane ritual.

Groundbreaking personality test just dropped. Turns out no matter which programming language you choose, you're still a nerd. MATLAB users get the special "engineer and a nerd" combo badge, while Fortran enthusiasts earn the prestigious "old and a nerd" achievement. The rest of us? Just regular nerds. Shocking revelation that absolutely nobody saw coming.

The lifecycle of a C programmer in three Reddit posts: First: "Do you guys even like C?" - The honeymoon phase where you question your life choices after encountering your first segmentation fault. Then: "I'm beginning to like C" - Stockholm syndrome kicks in. You've accepted that memory management is your new unpaid part-time job. Finally: "How do you find libraries in C?" - The desperate plea of someone who's spent 6 hours trying to parse a JSON string without external help. Welcome to dependency hell, where the libraries are scarce and the documentation is optional.

That moment when you realize the "Learn C++ in One Video" tutorial is 35,040 minutes long. That's 584 hours or 24 straight days of pointers, memory management, and template metaprogramming. The initial excitement followed by the crushing reality that mastering C++ is basically a full-time job. Might as well apply for social security benefits before you finish watching.

The aristocratic superiority complex of C++ developers in their natural habitat. Shaving 100 nanoseconds off a program's runtime and suddenly they're strutting around like royalty from the 18th century. Meanwhile, the rest of us are just trying to make code that actually works without segfaulting. But hey, if you've ever hand-optimized a hot loop by unrolling it just right, you've probably made that exact same face.

The beautiful art of recursive self-torture. The function why_are_you_hitting_yourself() calls itself inside its own definition, creating an infinite loop of self-abuse that would make any compiler cry. Then main() joins the party by calling it too. It's the programming equivalent of that childhood game where your older sibling grabs your hand and makes you slap your own face while asking "why are you hitting yourself?" Except in this case, the function is both the bully and the victim. Infinite recursion without a base case - because who needs stack memory anyway?