The Ultimate Parental Punishment Method

The first part of this authentication function is actually doing its job—checking if the password matches. But then comes the security masterpiece: if (true == true) . Congratulations, you've created the digital equivalent of a bouncer who checks your ID and then lets you in anyway because "yep, gravity still works!" This function will authenticate literally anyone who gets past the first check... or fails it and just keeps trying. Security experts hate this one weird trick!

Spend just a few minutes with C++ and you'll collect the complete trilogy: depression from memory leaks, violent rage from undefined behavior, and suicidal thoughts from template errors. The best part? You don't even need years of experience—these treasures are available to you within the first hour of compiling. And yet we keep coming back for more punishment because nothing says "real programmer" like manually managing your own memory while crying.

Oh sweet heavens, the AUDACITY of C language pointer syntax! First panel: array[3] - absolutely logical, accessing the 4th element. Second panel: *(array + 3) - STILL FINE because arrays are basically just fancy pointers wearing a trench coat. But then... THEN... 3[array] ?! THE UNHOLY ABOMINATION THAT ACTUALLY WORKS?! Because in C's twisted reality, a[b] is literally just syntactic sugar for *(a+b) , and addition is commutative so *(3+array) is valid. The character's face in the last panel is my soul leaving my body the first time I discovered this cursed knowledge.

The ultimate conspiracy theory has been revealed—programming is just a massive hoax! According to this groundbreaking exposé, we've all been duped. Computers were meant to solve math, not be programmed. C is clearly just a letter in the alphabet that got way too full of itself. And if you need to print something? Grab a pen like a normal human being! My favorite part is the claim that optimizing CPU usage with recursive threaded methods is "nonsensical" and "deranged." Well, excuse me for trying to make my code run 0.02% faster while consuming only 99.8% of available RAM! And the evidence is damning: colored text in terminals, compilation errors, and a teapot you can't even drink from. Clearly, if programming were real, someone would have figured out how to make while(true){print(money);} work by now. Checkmate, developers.

The programming language you choose apparently dictates your entire personality. Low-level language devs (Assembly, C++, Java) become muscular specimens who probably bench press servers in their spare time. Rust programmers evolve into anime protagonists with questionable hairstyles. JavaScript folks transform into tactical operators ready to deploy hotfixes like special forces. And Python users? They become that one guy at the office who's just a bit too smug about solving everything in one line of code. The circle of programming life complete.

Ah, the classic C++ compiler error that haunts every novice (and sometimes veteran) programmer! Forget to #include <vector> at the top of your file? Congratulations, you've just been vectored – ambushed by compiler errors more cryptic than ancient hieroglyphics. The compiler doesn't politely suggest "Hey friend, maybe add that header?" Instead, it unleashes 47 lines of template instantiation errors that basically translate to "I have no idea what a vector is, and at this point I'm too afraid to ask." It's like showing up to a fancy restaurant without a reservation and getting absolutely roasted by the host.