Mutually Hate Each Other

Dating as a developer is like debugging without documentation - painful but occasionally educational. Sure, she ghosted you faster than a failed Jenkins build, but hey, at least someone outside Stack Overflow now understands Java's entry point! That small victory almost makes up for eating microwave ramen alone tonight while contemplating whether relationships are just another stateful system you can't properly maintain.

The top panel shows a terrifying green monster labeled "POINTERS" about to devour SpongeBob, while the bottom panel shows two SpongeBob characters with text: "C/C++ DEVELOPERS" (looking smug) versus "BRO WHO HASN'T SEEN C IN HIS LIFE" (looking terrified). DARLING, let me tell you about the TRAUMA that is pointers! Those little memory-address demons that have C/C++ developers strutting around like they've conquered Mount Doom while the rest of us are LITERALLY DYING of confusion! The audacity of these pointer-wielding wizards to look so smug when the rest of us are having existential crises just trying to figure out why our code is segfaulting for the 47TH TIME TODAY! 💀

When the interviewer asks you to write a loop but you've been optimizing code since the Pentium era. Why waste precious CPU cycles on branch prediction and loop overhead when you can just manually unroll that bad boy? Sure, it looks like you're writing code with your face, but technically you're just doing the compiler's job for it. Modern problems require ancient solutions that haven't been relevant since 1997. Your interviewer is either going to hire you immediately or quietly escort you from the building. No middle ground.

The language wars are getting brutal! C# thinks adding a number to a string makes "a1" because it's doing string concatenation. Python's like "that's not valid syntax, you fool!" Meanwhile, C is just sitting there with its empty string result because it's adding the ASCII value of 'a' (97) to 1, getting 98 (which is 'b'), but then comparing it to an empty string, which is... definitely not what anyone wanted. This is why we can't have nice things in cross-language teams.

Ah yes, the revolutionary O(n) sorting algorithm that's "faster than merge sort" — just ask the user to input an already sorted array. Genius level problem-solving right there. This is the coding equivalent of claiming you've invented a teleportation device when you're actually just telling people to walk to their destination. The real innovation is the sheer audacity.

The ultimate conspiracy theory has been revealed—programming is just a massive hoax! According to this groundbreaking exposé, we've all been duped. Computers were meant to solve math, not be programmed. C is clearly just a letter in the alphabet that got way too full of itself. And if you need to print something? Grab a pen like a normal human being! My favorite part is the claim that optimizing CPU usage with recursive threaded methods is "nonsensical" and "deranged." Well, excuse me for trying to make my code run 0.02% faster while consuming only 99.8% of available RAM! And the evidence is damning: colored text in terminals, compilation errors, and a teapot you can't even drink from. Clearly, if programming were real, someone would have figured out how to make while(true){print(money);} work by now. Checkmate, developers.