The Serverless Illusion

Content Ffs It is fucking tough to keep up with these changing tools Mother fuckers come up with unpronounceable names. Fuck it. Apparantly plume and flume are two things that do what flink does poorly Snowpark is what snowflake came up with to do stuff like pyspark does, but nothing does that better than databricks. Which is a datalakehouse Apparantly dataware house and data lake now need to be married because someone now has data that big and complex And delta lake does some more fancy shit but with delta tables And delta here does not mean what you think it means Man Fuck this shit Kubernetese make your dick shrink ProdrammerHumor.io

Ah, the sacred pre-vacation server ritual! Nothing says "please don't crash while I'm gone" like a desperate group prayer to the uptime gods. These poor souls are performing the ancient IT sacrament of server-touching—a mystical ceremony where sysadmins transfer their life force into the hardware. "Stay alive until January, you temperamental pile of circuits. I've got eggnog to drink and I'm not debugging your tantrums remotely from my in-laws' house." The irony? The server will absolutely choose Christmas morning to have an existential crisis anyway.

Content "Kubernetes in just 10 easy steps" The steps:

Crypto bros: "LLM token pricing is the future of finance!" Developers: *puts on glasses to see clearly* "Oh, you mean paying $0.0001 per API call until my wallet mysteriously empties after a for-loop gone wrong?" Nothing says "fun game for developers" quite like watching your credit card get charged in real-time while debugging a recursive function. It's just Candy Crush but instead of running out of lives, you're running out of rent money.

Content Claire AzureDoo Husband and I reminiscing about the time I texted him on my way home: "Can you start cooking those sausages?" Then added 3 as a cute little heart. He cooked 2 sausages.

The duality of Linux is just *chef's kiss*. In most places, it's a janky mess held together with duct tape and Stack Overflow answers from 2011. Try running that fancy CAD software? Good luck explaining to your boss why you're compiling kernel modules instead of finishing those blueprints. But in the IT industry? Linux is an absolute BEAST. Server rooms around the world run on this penguin-powered juggernaut, handling everything from cloud infrastructure to supercomputers without breaking a sweat. Your cute little Windows server would cry if it had to handle what Linux manages before breakfast. The irony is just delicious - the same OS that makes desktop users question their life choices is silently powering most of the internet you're using to complain about it.