Schedule I Drug: Cloud Computing Edition

Oh honey, you sweet summer child recruiter. You think you're hiring ONE person? Bless your heart. You've basically listed the skill requirements for an entire Fortune 500 company's tech division and slapped "Full Stack Developer" on it like it's a cute little job title. Backend? Check. Frontend? Check. Three different databases because apparently one wasn't enough trauma? Check. The ENTIRE AWS ecosystem? Sure, why not! Oh and while we're at it, throw in system administration, containerization, orchestration, AND test-driven development because clearly this mythical unicorn developer has 47 hours in their day. The punchline hits different because it's TRUE. This isn't a job posting—it's a cry for help disguised as a LinkedIn post. They're not looking for a developer; they're looking for someone to BE the entire IT infrastructure while probably offering "competitive salary" (translation: $65k and unlimited coffee).

Content I'm a Web Developer, Software Developer, Data Scientist, Network Engineer, Devops Engineer I'm a Web Developer I'm a Software Developer I'm a Data Scientist I'm a Network Engineer I'm a Devops Engineer X

The eternal architectural debate visualized with poop emojis. One massive monolith that's smiling confidently versus a scattered army of tiny microservices. The joke here is that both approaches can either be elegant solutions or complete crap depending on your team's competence. Nothing says "enterprise architecture" quite like discussing serious technical decisions with cartoon feces.

Job description: "Must be expert in Kubernetes, Terraform, AWS, Ansible, Argo, Python, Helm, Docker, Grafana, Vault, and whatever else we discover next week." Actual job: "Here's a Jenkins instance from 2013. Don't break it." The classic bait-and-switch of modern DevOps. They lure you in with promises of cutting-edge infrastructure, then hand you the digital equivalent of a museum artifact held together with duct tape and prayers. Six months in, you're still trying to figure out why production depends on a Perl script written by someone who left during the Obama administration.

Content The Self Taught "Serious" Programmer Starter Kit "Just learn assemblv" What the hell is a proof? "bro, you don't need math" Has zero professional experience Lacks basic computer architecture fundamentals despite praising its importance Very active in r/_programming Over emphasizes the importance of code editors and sneers at IDEs made with mematie

Content 60mL WARNING: LOREM IPSUM DOLOR SIT AMET, DVMK CONSECTETUR ADIPISCING ELIT, SED DO EIUSMOD CKFK TEMPOR INCIDIDUNT UT LABORE ET DOLORE MAGNA SDK ALIQUA. UT ENIM AD MINIM VENIM, QUIS NOSTRUD. MADE IN CHINA FOR AU NZ: IMPORTED FOR KMART STORES IN AUSTRALIA AND NEW ZEALAND. KMART CUSTOMER SERVICE AU: 1800 124 125 NZ: 0800 945 995 FOR USA: IMPORTED BY ANKO RETAIL INC. 19500 ALDERWOOD MALL PARKWAY LYNNWOOD WA 98036 USA. 9341107 137079 98-98-77 OZ