The Four Stages Of Developer Anxiety

Ah yes, the classic developer job listing that thinks Docker, JVM, and "third-party APIs" are exciting tools. Nothing gets a developer's blood pumping like integrating with yet another poorly documented API that changes without notice every three weeks. The sarcastic "CAN'T WAIT" reaction perfectly captures the enthusiasm gap between HR's idea of "exciting tools" and what developers actually find exciting. Sure, I'll spend my days wrestling with Docker permission issues and JVM heap sizes while pretending this is my dream job.

The cloud computing evolution depicted as a cave of lies! At the surface, we've got that ancient PC gathering dust under some desk—you know, the one IT forgot about but somehow still runs your company's critical payroll system. Dig deeper and you find EC2 instances, the "I'm totally in control of my infrastructure" phase. Go deeper still and there's Kubernetes, where DevOps engineers spend 80% of their time configuring YAML files and 20% explaining why everything is broken. And at the very bottom? "Serverless"—the promised land where servers supposedly don't exist, but you're actually just renting someone else's servers while sacrificing all debugging capabilities. The deeper you go, the more you pay for "simplicity" that requires a PhD to understand!

Startup founders building their tech stack like they're preparing for a billion users on day one! 😂 That architecture diagram is the definition of premature optimization - 47 microservices, 23 databases, and enough Kubernetes clusters to host Netflix... all to serve exactly ZERO users. Classic case of "we might need this someday" syndrome while the actual product hasn't even launched! The irony of spending months architecting for theoretical scale when what you really need is your first customer. Talk about putting the cart before 500 horses!

Just turned what should've been a 10-line script into a microservice architecture with seven Docker containers and a message queue. The client wanted a contact form, but I gave them an enterprise solution complete with Kubernetes orchestration. Now I'm standing here in my sunglasses feeling like a tech god while some poor soul rows the boat behind me doing all the actual work.

Jumping into DevOps without Linux fundamentals is like trying to swallow those giant horse pills without water. Trust me, I've watched countless "Docker experts" crash and burn because they couldn't troubleshoot a basic shell script. The title "Also Git" is perfect - because Git is another one of those deceptively simple tools that will absolutely wreck your week when something goes wrong. Nothing quite like the cold sweat of a botched rebase on production code at 2AM. Been there, broken that.

The moment you decide to "just try out" Jenkins CI. Next thing you know, you're knee-deep in YAML files at 3 AM, questioning your life choices while that smug little Jenkins mascot just stands there... smiling . It's always the friendly-looking tools that destroy your weekend. Classic bait and switch. You came for automation, stayed for the dependency hell.