Nothing Is Wrong (Everything Is Fine)

Content Giulio Carrara Engineering Manager at Abstract Dear recruiters, if you are looking for: - Java, Python, PHP - React, Angular - PostgreSQL, Redis, MongoDB - AWS, S3, EC2, ECS, EKS - nix system administration - Git and CI with TDD - Docker, Kubernetes That's not a Full Stack Developer. That's an entire IT department. Yours truly

Content About Us: We're a stealth startup on the verge of launching an innovative mobile app on iOS, Android and a web applicationplatform. Our app is built on a modern tech stack, and we're looking for a highly-skilled mobile developer to join as a founding team member. This is an opportunity to be part of something big from the ground up. The Role: As the Founding Mobile Developer, you will take ownership of the entire mobile development process, from architecture and coding to deployment and maintenance. You'll work closely with the founders to shape the product and bring it to market. What You'll Do: Design, develop, and maintain the mobile app on both iOS and Android platforms. Collaborate with cross-functional teams to define, design, and ship new features. Ensure the performance, quality, and responsiveness of applications. Identify and fix bugs, and continuously improve the app's performance. Stay up-to-date with new mobile technology trends, frameworks, and tools. Required Skills: iOS Development: Strong experience with Swift and Xcode. Android Development: Expertise in Java and Android Studio. Knowledge of RESTful APIs and integration of third-party libraries and APIs. Experience with version control (Git, GitHub). Familiarity with mobile UIUX standards and design patterns. Ability to debug and optimize app performance for efficiency. Bonus Skills (Nice to Have): Experience with Kotlin for Android or Obiective-C for iOS. Experience with cross-platform frameworks like React Native or Flutter. Knowledge of cloud services (AWS, Firebase, etc.). Understanding of DevOps and continuous integration tools (Jenkins, GitLab CI). What We're Looking For: A proactive, problem-solving mindset and an entrepreneurial spirit. Strong attention to detail and a passion for building seamless user experiences. Ability to work independently and as part of a small team in a fast-paced startup environment. Willingness to wear multiple hats and tackle various challenges as we scale. Compensation: Equity-Based: Compensation is in the form of equity until we launch and begin generating revenue, after which a salary will be provided

That moment when your credit card statement hits $300/month for software subscriptions and you suddenly transform into a digital Robin Hood. Developers spending 8 hours figuring out how to bypass paywalls instead of paying $9.99 for a service is peak optimization. The irony? We're probably using pirated tools to build software that we hope nobody pirates. It's not about saving money—it's about sending a message to the 37 SaaS companies who all decided "monthly recurring revenue" was more important than selling actual products. Bonus points if you've ever written a script to auto-cancel free trials before they charge you!

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Ah yes, the three sacred commandments of modern software development. Nothing says "I'm a serious engineer" like implementing microservices for your todo app that gets 3 visitors per month. The best part is watching junior devs implement Kubernetes clusters for projects that could run on a Raspberry Pi from 2012. We're all just one obscure Rust framework away from that FAANG offer letter.

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