Backend All The Way

Left: an energetic, wide-eyed cat with a raised tail, ready for chaos. Right: the same cat, now dead inside, staring at a laptop like it contains all of life's disappointments. That's the perfect visualization of what happens when you transition from "I'm gonna write amazing code!" to "Fine, I'll test if this function returns null when I pass it an empty string for the 47th time." The soul-crushing reality of ensuring your code doesn't explode when some user inevitably types "null;DROP TABLE users;--" into the name field.

Ah, the classic "forgot to replace the template variables" bug. Someone at Amazon just pushed to production without testing their notification system. Now millions of users get to see the raw template code instead of their actual cashback amount. This is why we do code reviews, folks. And why senior devs drink so much coffee. Somewhere right now, a developer is frantically trying to hotfix this while their manager asks, "But how could this happen?" Meanwhile, the QA team is just pointing at their ignored test reports from last week.

The heroic tale of spending 3 weeks documenting your microservice architecture in Confluence with 47 diagrams and 12,000 words, only to discover your teammates haven't even clicked the link. Documentation in the wild: simultaneously essential and completely ignored. The digital equivalent of shouting architecture patterns into the void while your colleagues continue deploying to production with comments like "// will fix later" and "// don't touch this or everything breaks".

Content Our entire software validation stack fucking sucks. What do we do about it? Automation! let's abandon our reliance on ancient unsupported legacy infrastructure. We should unifu around a common set of industry standard tools We should require unit tests to provide even just double digit code coverage. let's package our repos so they can be deployed in containerized environments. Do code Document our external devendenciesa

Content Hey you going to sleep now? You read what Unity did right? Yeah I'm a backend dev. Don't care What if ElasticSearch started charging per query in production?

Content I'M GONNA SAY IT! WHEN YOUR FAMILY ASKS YOU TO FIX THE PRINTER BECAUSE YOU WORK IN IT. THEY MEAN THAT YOU ARE GOOD AT SOLVING TECHNICAL PROBLEMS, NOT THAT YOU ARE A PRINTER DEVELOPER.