When I Decided To Write A Resume

Remember when FAANG (Facebook, Apple, Amazon, Netflix, Google) was the cool kids club of tech companies everyone wanted to work for? Well, times change. Now it's GAYMAN - Google, Amazon, Y (probably meant to be Yelp or Y Combinator), Meta (formerly Facebook), Apple, Nvidia. The real joke is how we developers keep creating acronyms for companies that would replace us with an AI in a heartbeat. The irony that Nvidia - the company powering the AI revolution - is now in the club isn't lost on me. Six-figure salaries and free snacks though, so who's complaining?

OH. MY. GOD. This is the most accurate representation of AI chatbots trying to make sense of legacy code I've ever witnessed! 💀 That poor soap dispenser desperately trying to pump life into that sad, sunken bar of soap is LITERALLY every AI tool we've thrown at our 20-year-old codebase. "Here, ChatGPT, please fix this spaghetti monster written by three developers who all quit in 2007!" The AI is just there pumping away with absolutely ZERO results while the ancient code just sits there... menacingly... refusing to evolve. I can't even with how painfully real this is!

STOP THE PRESSES! The AI world is just one gigantic game of musical chairs where EVERYONE gets to be "the world's most powerful model" for exactly 37 seconds! 🎭 It's the tech industry's most dramatic soap opera - OpenAI, Anthropic, Google, and random startups playing hot potato with the "most powerful" crown in this chaotic circle of hype. One minute Claude is the golden child, then Gemini steals the spotlight, then Grok crashes the party! Meanwhile, developers are having existential crises trying to keep up with which API to integrate THIS week. By the time GPT-5 launches, we'll all be too emotionally exhausted to care! 💀

OMG, the AI has spoken and it has ZERO chill! 💩 Asked to vibe check a site from a single image, and what masterpiece does it produce? LINKEDIN! The professional hellscape where everyone pretends their job is their personality! The AI basically looked at a pile of steaming poop and thought "Hmm, yes, this screams 'professional networking platform' to me." If that's not the most savage roast of corporate culture I've ever seen, I don't know what is. The algorithm has officially become sentient and chosen VIOLENCE!

Content Vibe coder Me reviewing his PR after vibe coding 69th revision

The ultimate job security hack: be so utterly useless that even AI doesn't want your position! When your only contribution to the codebase is comments like "// TODO: fix this later" and your Git commits consist mainly of whitespace changes, you've achieved immortality in the corporate hierarchy. The sweet irony of being simultaneously worthless yet irreplaceable is the tech industry's greatest paradox. That guy's walking away with a smile because he just realized his strategy of writing completely undocumented spaghetti code for the last five years wasn't laziness—it was career insurance!