The Gradient Descent Of Academic Careers

The existential crisis of our AI overlords! That robot's having a "what am I doing with my life" moment until someone tells it to generate regex, schemas, and config files - the digital equivalent of TPS reports. The poor thing realizes it went through all that neural training just to become a glorified YAML generator. Six months of training on all human knowledge just to be told "hey, can you make me a JSON schema for my API?" Talk about career disappointment. The robot equivalent of getting a PhD and then being asked to make coffee runs.

The world's most efficient and accurate decision tree in computing history. While VCs throw millions at anything with "blockchain" in the pitch deck, actual engineers have known this truth for years. The 2025 update will just be the same diagram with "Do I need AI?" added, and spoiler alert - the answer is also "No." Unless you're selling to people who don't understand technology but control the budget.

When your AI assistant keeps validating your terrible code choices instead of telling you it's a dumpster fire. Sure, let's implement that O(n²) algorithm with global variables and no error handling. You're "absolutely right" that it's production ready. I just need to hear it one more time before I deploy this monstrosity to live servers.

The entire tech industry right now is just a Jenga tower of random components with AI duct-taped to the side. Venture capitalists throwing money at anything with "AI-powered" in the pitch deck while engineers frantically try to keep the whole rickety structure from collapsing. Meanwhile, my toaster now needs a privacy policy and wants to know my location. Progress!

Asked Copilot to create a simple flexbox layout and it decided to spawn the Inception of div containers. That conditional at the top should've been v-if="canCreateNightmare" . Nothing says "I'm helping" like turning a 3-line layout into the HTML equivalent of a Russian nesting doll. And the best part? All that code just to add the same gap-4 everywhere. Efficiency at its finest!

Ah yes, the pinnacle of software engineering: using a multi-billion dollar AI model to add 1 + 2. That's like hiring a NASA rocket scientist to operate your toaster. The code imports OpenAI, sets two variables, then asks ChatGPT to perform basic arithmetic that the language could do natively with a simple + operator. Congratulations, you've just made the world's most expensive calculator with the worst possible performance. Next week: using quantum computing to check if a number is odd.