Don't Solve Problems, Just Build Something

When everyone's out here treating ChatGPT and Copilot like their personal coding assistants, and you're just... not. You've somehow made it through an entire year writing actual code with your actual brain, and now you're wearing that smug superiority like a badge of honor. While your coworkers are prompting their way through PRs, you're out here manually typing semicolons like it's 2019. The look says it all: "I still remember what a for loop looks like without asking an AI." Whether that's admirable or just stubborn is up for debate, but hey, at least your GitHub contributions are authentically yours.

Ah yes, the mythical beast of modern development - half dog, half ostrich, all ChatGPT. Your codebase is about to experience the "uncanny valley" indeed. One end barks confidently about solutions it doesn't understand while the other buries its head in the sand when debugging time comes. The "OH REALLY?" at the top is what your senior developer mutters when you claim your AI-generated monstrosity is "original work." Next edition will feature a creature that's half Stack Overflow, half deadline panic.

The programmer's journey to enlightenment, visualized as expanding brain memes. Starting with the lazy "just ask ChatGPT" approach, then graduating to StackOverflow searches (the industry standard). But true galaxy brains dig deeper—from ancient forum threads to dusty textbooks to ISO standards documents. And for those problems that make you question reality itself? Track down the language creator's hometown for clues, or the nuclear option—talk to his mom. "Yes Mrs. Stroustrup, your son's multiple inheritance implementation is giving me nightmares again." The irony? We've all done the bottom one at 3am when nothing else works. Desperation breeds creativity.

Guy claims his AI assistant is writing 500k lines of code in 2 months while he casually rebuilds Shopify from scratch. Sure, and I'm running NASA from my garage with a Raspberry Pi. The only thing more unrealistic than his 5000 daily AI prompts is thinking Claude would struggle with anything. Next up: "My toaster built the next Facebook, but it burns the edges of my bread."

The modern developer's workflow: copy some hallucinated code from ChatGPT, try to compile it, discover it's complete fiction, then assault the nearest chicken. Tale as old as time (or at least since 2022). What's worse than spending hours debugging non-existent methods? The realization that you trusted an AI that confidently made up syntax while nodding like it knew what it was doing.

The progression from recreational substances to AI news is the ultimate burnout pipeline. While alcohol makes you squinty, weed makes you red-eyed, and cocaine makes you wide-awake paranoid, nothing compares to the soul-crushing exhaustion of trying to track every new AI model release, capability, and controversy. Your eyeballs practically melt into your skull as you desperately refresh Hacker News every 4 minutes to see if your programming skills are obsolete yet. It's like being in an abusive relationship with Moore's Law where the breakup text is written in DALL-E generated hieroglyphics.