Who Needs Algorithms If You Have AI

Ancient Egyptians somehow managed to build architectural marvels without the corporate tech stack we can't seem to function without. No endless Teams meetings where everyone says "can you hear me?" No 57-slide pitch decks explaining the "stone moving paradigm." No AI that promises to optimize workflow but actually just creates more meetings about the AI. Just people dragging massive stones with pure human effort and mathematical precision. The real pyramid scheme was getting stuff done without a Slack channel dedicated to discussing the office snack selection.

Remember those predictions about technology freeing us from labor? Yeah, instead we're crafting circuit board arrowheads for the post-apocalyptic tech hunting grounds. Nothing says "advanced civilization" quite like using a motherboard to hunt your dinner after the AI rebellion. Silicon Valley's final contribution to humanity: slightly more efficient spearheads for the neo-tribal warfare that follows after all our smart devices decide we're the real bug in the system.

The four stages of training an AI model, as experienced by every data scientist who's ever lived: First panel: Innocent optimism. "Training time!" Oh, you sweet summer child. Second panel: Desperate pleading. "C'MON LEARN FASTER" while staring at that pathetic learning curve that's flatter than the Earth according to conspiracy theorists. Third panel: The error messages. Just endless red text that might as well be hieroglyphics. *SIGH* indeed. Fourth panel: Complete surrender. "3, 6, 2!!!" *shoots model* "I'LL GO GET THE NEXT ONE." Because nothing says machine learning like throwing away hours of work and starting from scratch for the fifth time today. The real joke is that we keep doing this voluntarily. For money. And sometimes fun?

The brutal honesty of this hits harder than a production outage on Friday afternoon. Nobody's writing code from scratch anymore—not ChatGPT, not developers, not even that one colleague who claims they never use Stack Overflow. Modern programming is basically sophisticated copy-paste with extra steps. We're all just standing on the shoulders of GitHub repos and praying the dependencies don't break. The real innovation is knowing which code to steal and how to make it look like you didn't.

Oh look, it's the modern developer's daily ritual! That moment when you check what you stepped in and discover it's not regular garbage—it's AI Generated SQL . The perfect representation of what happens when you let AI write your database queries. Sure, it looks like SQL from a distance, but examine it closely and you'll find a horrifying abomination that would make even the most battle-hardened DBA weep. Nothing says "I've made terrible life choices" quite like debugging code that was hallucinated by an algorithm with the database knowledge of a caffeinated squirrel. Next time just write the query yourself, unless you enjoy explaining to your boss why the production database is suddenly identifying as a toaster.

An AI trained on StackOverflow responses would indeed be the most passive-aggressive assistant ever created. It would have a PhD in telling you your question is a duplicate of something posted in 2011, suggest you should have read the documentation that doesn't exist, and occasionally remind you that what you're trying to do is "trivial." The only thing missing is the ability to close your real-life problems as "off-topic."