Had Todo It

Had Todo It
Ah, the sacred weekend on-call rotation—where pants become optional but existential dread is mandatory. Nothing quite captures the soul-crushing reality of DevOps life like getting that 2 AM alert because some intern pushed directly to production on a Saturday. There you sit, in your underwear, contemplating every career choice that led to this moment while Slack notifications light up your phone like a Christmas tree. The best part? Monday morning, management will ask why it took you 7 minutes to respond instead of 5. Because apparently sleep is just a suggestion when you've signed that SLA agreement with your soul.

Are You PS/2 Old?

Are You PS/2 Old?
Ah, the PS/2 ports—where mice and keyboards went to die before USB came along and made everything better. If you recognize these ancient circular connectors without Googling, congratulations! You're officially old enough to have debugged Y2K bugs and probably still have a drawer full of IDE cables "just in case." The blue one's for mice, the green one's for keyboards, and getting them mixed up was the original "USB superposition" before USB-C made us all flip connectors three times. Remember the satisfying click when you finally got the pins aligned? And the sheer panic when you bent one? Good times. Kids these days will never know the joy of rebooting because you dared to unplug your keyboard.

Like A Rash That Never Goes Away

Like A Rash That Never Goes Away
You throw Edge out the door, but somehow it reappears on your taskbar. You delete it from your PC, but it mysteriously returns after an update. The Windows search bar? Now powered by Bing whether you like it or not. Microsoft's desperate attempt to make Edge happen is like that clingy ex who keeps "accidentally" showing up wherever you go. Ten years in the industry and I've never seen a browser so aggressively refuse to take a hint.

SQL Joins As Hairstyle Fashion

SQL Joins As Hairstyle Fashion
Database fashion has never been so clear. LEFT JOIN is keeping it bald on top with a full beard - returning all records from the left table and matching ones from the right. RIGHT JOIN rocks that top-heavy afro look - all records from the right table with matching ones from the left. INNER JOIN? Clean-shaven minimalism - only showing data where there's a match on both sides. And FULL JOIN is just greedy - taking everything from both tables like it's the last day at the all-you-can-style barbershop. Next week's fashion forecast: GROUP BY mohawks and ORDER BY mullets.

The Double Standards Of Tech Maintenance

The Double Standards Of Tech Maintenance
The AUDACITY of our phones needing a charge! 💀 Meanwhile, we'll literally perform OPEN HEART SURGERY on our PCs - repasting thermal compound like we're Gordon Ramsay plating a filet mignon, vacuuming dust bunnies that have formed their own civilization, debugging software that's more temperamental than a cat, and installing 47 different drivers just so our RGB lighting syncs properly. But heaven forbid our phone battery drops below 20% and suddenly we're hurling insults that would make a sailor blush. The duality of tech devotion is SENDING ME.

Life Stability Commit

Life Stability Commit
Ah yes, the eternal fantasy of having a git reset --hard HEAD@{last-time-i-had-my-shit-together} command for real life. Made some terrible decisions lately? Pushed to production without testing? Got into a relationship with someone who thinks semicolons are optional? If only we could just revert to that golden period before everything went sideways. Unfortunately, life doesn't track changes, and there's no magical snapshot from when you still had a reasonable sleep schedule and manageable anxiety. The only rollback strategy we've got is therapy—and it doesn't accept pull requests.

Modern Development Hell

Modern Development Hell
Ah, the natural progression of a developer's frustration. First, you're battling Python's package manager with its dependency hell and version conflicts. Then you graduate to the special circle of hell that is Docker with its cryptic error messages and massive image sizes. The fancy Pooh represents that moment when you think you've leveled up, but really you've just upgraded to premium suffering. Six years into my career and I'm still writing bash scripts to automate away Docker problems that shouldn't exist in the first place.

Automate It Mate

Automate It Mate
The ultimate programmer's paradox: spending 80 hours automating a 2-hour task, only to realize you've just coded yourself out of a job. That moment of horrified self-awareness when your efficiency algorithm is too efficient. Congratulations, you've achieved peak productivity—now update that LinkedIn profile! The corporate world's version of sawing off the branch you're sitting on, except you designed the saw, optimized its cutting pattern, and wrote documentation for whoever finds your body.

Escaping Pointer Prison

Escaping Pointer Prison
Ah, the sweet relief of ditching memory management. One day you're wrestling with pointers, incrementing variables, and manually allocating memory like some digital janitor. The next day you're in Python's cushy automatic garbage collection paradise where the computer does all that tedious work for you. It's like trading in your stick shift for an automatic and never looking back at the clutch pedal. C++ developers in the audience are currently grinding their teeth at this gross oversimplification while secretly envying the Python dev's 3-hour lunch breaks.

I Don't Know Why But They All Post Like This

I Don't Know Why But They All Post Like This
The eternal struggle of variable naming conventions! Some developers just can't resist typing thisKindOfVariable or ThisKindOfClass while others go for this_kind_of_variable . But then there's that one colleague who commits monstrosities like thiskindofvariable to the codebase. You've seen it for months, but now it's too late to bring it up in code review without sounding like you've been secretly judging them (which, let's be honest, you absolutely have been).

Command Prompt Apocalypse 2025

Command Prompt Apocalypse 2025
THE AUDACITY! Some poor soul is absolutely LOSING THEIR MIND over command prompt being used for AI in 2025. They're practically BEGGING for proper executable binaries with the drama of a Shakespeare tragedy! 💀 Meanwhile, the rest of us are just sitting here like "Sir, this is a Wendy's" while they have their existential crisis over installation methods. The command line has been traumatizing developers since the dawn of computing, and this brave warrior has FINALLY had ENOUGH!

Not Too Wrong

Not Too Wrong
The student wrote that the length of "Monday" is 24 hours, and honestly, they're onto something. Technically wrong in programming (it should be 6 characters), but philosophically correct for anyone who's survived a Monday in the tech industry. That first day back to seeing 300+ GitHub notifications and Slack messages feels exactly like it's 24 hours long. The teacher marked it wrong, but they've clearly never deployed code on a Friday and spent their Monday fixing the aftermath.