Behold, the emotional rollercoaster EVERY developer is legally required to ride! 🎢 You start with such BLISSFUL IGNORANCE - "I got the job! I'm going to write beautiful code and change the world!" Sweet summer child. Then comes the AUDACITY to ask for documentation. How DARE you assume basic professional standards exist?! The soul-crushing revelation: "The code IS the documentation." Translation: "We're too chaotic to document anything, good luck figuring out this dumpster fire!" But WAIT! It gets WORSE! No comments either! Because who needs to understand what's happening? Clarity is for the WEAK! Then the FINAL DESCENT into madness: three-letter variable names. Was 'idx' too LUXURIOUS? Did 'tmp' seem TOO DESCRIPTIVE? And the GRAND FINALE - 2000+ lines per file! Because nothing says "I hate humanity" like a single file that could print out as a NOVEL.

HOLY MOTHER OF INDENTATION! 😱 Mom just accidentally discovered the most brutal code review technique ever invented! "Not properly aligned to the left" is the kind of savage feedback that would make senior engineers WEEP into their mechanical keyboards! The sheer AUDACITY of questioning our six-figure salaries for "random English words and fancy colors" when we've spent YEARS perfecting the art of staring at a screen until our eyeballs bleed! Mothers truly are the ultimate QA engineers - cutting straight through our technical jargon to expose the emperor's new clothes. If companies replaced their entire code review process with "show it to your mom," we'd probably ship better products AND save billions in technical debt!

The classic open source bait-and-switch. You discover what seems like the perfect tool, get all excited about the possibilities, only to click that innocent-looking "Pricing" tab and watch your dreams shatter. And then comes that inevitable developer reflex: "Fine, I'll build my own version without the enterprise paywall." Six months and 47 GitHub commits later, you've reinvented a slightly worse wheel, abandoned three other projects, and somehow still end up paying for the original tool anyway. The circle of dev life continues...