Maslow's Hierarchy Of Developer Needs

Ah, Maslow's hierarchy of developer needs has finally been updated for the modern workplace! Forget food and shelter—the true basic necessities of life are avoiding Microsoft Teams meetings, escaping the endless JIRA ticket vortex, and never having to touch Salesforce. The real psychological damage comes from hearing "let me create a ticket for that" for the 500th time. Self-actualization? Please. True enlightenment is when your company announces they're migrating away from these corporate torture devices.