Maslow's Hierarchy Of Developer Needs

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This cosmic roast of development methodologies is painfully accurate. Waterfall gets you to Mars after a rigid plan, while Agile lands you on the Moon instead because requirements changed mid-flight. Kanban? You'll break down the Mars mission into thousands of sticky notes and still be waiting for armrests a year later. Scrum is just a series of sprints that end with scrapping everything after a 15-minute meeting. And Lean Development? Just slap wings on a firecracker and try convincing investors it's basically a spaceship. The space between our development ambitions and reality is apparently as vast as the distance to Mars itself.

The EXISTENTIAL HORROR of opening your own code after a month! You stare into the void of your creation like an astronaut witnessing the end of the universe. That beautiful, elegant solution you were SO PROUD of? Now it's an incomprehensible alien language written by some deranged past version of yourself who clearly hated future you with burning passion. And the refactoring? Might as well be planning a mission to Mars - it's going to take five decades, three mental breakdowns, and possibly require inventing new programming paradigms just to understand what the hell you were thinking. Your documentation? NONEXISTENT. Your variable names? CRYPTIC. Your life? OVER.

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