The Digital Aristocracy

Content Repos at Megacorporations We put all of Windows in We put all 2 billion lines of All 20 million lines of the one git repo so developers our webservices in a single Linux kernel are in one git only need 1 PR to make repo to make life easy for repo so every developer can changes. developers. have their own copy. Repos at small, cargo culting companies Added a function to a Changing one thing needs Having everything in its Every library and executable library? Bump the sever PRs into 5 repos with 2 own repo will enable code should have its own repo for and make a PR into every approvals each. reuse (AKA legacy crap that scalability. repo that depends on it to This is just how it's done will never die). update the requirement. in the real world.

1989: "Imagine the technological marvels we'll create with computers in 30 years!" 2020: "So I've simulated 1,000 T-Rexes fighting 80,000 chickens. For science." Ah yes, the pinnacle of computing power - dinosaur-poultry warfare. Somewhere in a server farm, a CPU is thinking, "I was designed to cure cancer, but here we are."

Ah yes, the classic "just make it work" pseudocode solution to frozen programs. Someone's suggesting Microsoft should implement a magic button that forces unresponsive programs to respond, with their brilliant solution being the equivalent of telling a dead horse to stop being dead. The Monty Python reference is just *chef's kiss* - because nothing says "I understand complex software architecture" like medieval knights marveling at basic if/then statements. Next up: fixing memory leaks by typing "memory.stop_leaking()".

Windows security in a nutshell. User asks to install a program, computer happily agrees. Then suddenly the computer gets suspicious and interrogates the program like an overzealous border agent. "Where are you from, buddy?" The program doesn't know its own origin (like most of us after three cups of coffee), and boom—instant virus alert. Meanwhile, Linux users are sipping tea and watching the drama unfold from their fortress of package managers and repositories.

The eternal battle between Windows and Linux updates perfectly captured! Windows begs to update at the worst times and gets told to shut up. Meanwhile, Linux users will literally sit and watch apt update run for an hour like it's prime entertainment. The difference? Windows forces updates down your throat while Linux makes you feel like a hacker watching scrolling terminal text. It's the Stockholm syndrome of operating systems—we hate forced updates but voluntarily watch package managers do their thing.

Nothing compares to that heart-stopping moment when your BIOS decides to update itself. Rollercoasters? Pfft. Try watching that progress bar crawl at 1% while sweating bullets because you know one power flicker and your motherboard becomes an expensive paperweight. The dreaded "Don't shutdown or restart system" warning might as well say "Pray to the silicon gods that your UPS battery holds." That moment when your entire digital existence hangs in the balance of a firmware update is the purest form of terror known to computerdom.