The Digital Aristocracy

Content How to fix any computer The Oatmeal http:theoatmeal.com Windows Step I. Reboot Did that fix it? No? Proceed to step 2 Step a. Format hard drive. Reinstall Windows. Lose all your files. Quietly weep. Apple Step I. Take it to an Apple store. Did that fix it? No? Proceed to step a Step 2. Buy a new Mac. Overdraw your account. Quietly weep. Linux Step 1. Learn to code in Ct. Recompile the kernel. Build your own microprocessor out of spare silicon you had lying around. Recompile the kernel again. Switch distros. Recompile the kernel again but this time using a CPU powered by refracted light from Saturn. Grow a gant beard. Blame Sun Microsystems. Turn your bedroom into a server closet and spend ten years falling asleep to the sound of whirring fans. Switch distros again. Abandon all hygiene. Write a regular expression that would make other programmers cry blood. Learn to code in Java Recompile the kernel again (but this time while wearing your lucky socks) Did that fix it? No? Proceed to step a n Step a. Revert back to using Windows or a Mac Quietly weep.

Content 64-bit Humor.io Windows 11 Windows 11 Pro Full version Microsoft Intended for distribution with a new PC. for product support, contact the manu your PC Do not lend or make illegal copies DVD CTMS 2021 Microsoft 22-78028-01

Microsoft's evolution of failure screens is truly inspiring. The iconic Blue Screen of Death with its sad emoticon has been upgraded to a sleek, minimalist Black Screen of Death. Progress! Now when your system crashes, you can experience existential dread in dark mode. Notice how they've gone from "20% complete" to "0% complete" – perfectly capturing Microsoft's commitment to honesty in user experience. Nothing says "we've given up" quite like removing even the pretense of progress.

Dell's uninstaller is treating you like you've never encountered the concept of deletion before. "Click Remove to remove" followed by "this program will no longer be available for use" is the software equivalent of explaining that water is wet. The dramatic movie scene below perfectly captures the existential crisis one experiences when faced with such profound wisdom. It's like Dell thinks we might believe uninstalling their software merely sends it on vacation to the Bahamas rather than, you know, actually removing it from existence. Next they'll add a warning that says "Breathing is recommended for continued survival."

Content 1 work in IT, which is the reason our house has: - mechanical locks - mechanical windows - routers using OpenWRT - no smart home crap - no AlexaGoogle Assistant.. - no internet connected thermostats Tech Enthusiasts: Everything in my house is wired to the Internet of Things! I control it all from my smartphone! My smart-house is bluetooth enabled and I can give it voice commands via alexa! I love the future! Programmers Engineers: The most recent piece of technology I own is a printer from 2004 and I keep a loaded gun ready to shoot it if it ever makes an unexpected noise.

Remember when games fit on a 1.44MB floppy? Now Call of Duty is like that friend who keeps saying "just one more beer" but shows up to your house with a U-Haul full of storage requirements. At 105GB, SpongeBob thinks the madness has peaked, but Patrick knows better - slapping us with a 300GB reality check. Your SSD isn't crying, it's having a full-on existential crisis. And game developers are just sitting there like "What? It's just 4K textures of the same gun from 37 slightly different angles."