Don't Leave Me

OH. MY. GOD. The absolute AUDACITY of comparing a modern gaming PC to an ancient steam engine! 💀 Look at this RIDICULOUS comparison! On the left, we have our precious little gaming cube that sips electricity like a refined gentleman at high tea. Meanwhile, on the right? A LITERAL INDUSTRIAL REVOLUTION MONSTROSITY that requires its own ZIP CODE and probably violates several environmental treaties! The boot time comparison is sending me to another dimension! Your PC: "Give me 20 seconds and I'll run Cyberpunk." The steam engine: "Excuse me sir, I'll need 40 MINUTES and a team of coal-shoveling minions before I can even THINK about doing anything useful." This is basically every software engineer trying to explain to management why we need to upgrade our legacy systems. "But it still works, right?" BARELY, KAREN. BARELY.

When someone says "VLC deserves a statue," they're being sincere about honoring the free, open-source media player. But the reply takes it literally by joking that traffic cones (which look exactly like the iconic VLC logo) are actually "VLC statues" found on roads everywhere. This is peak dad-joke territory in the tech world. The VLC player has earned genuine respect for refusing millions in ad revenue to stay true to its open-source, ad-free principles – while simultaneously being represented by the most mundane object in existence: an orange traffic cone.

OH. MY. GOD. This absolute MADLAD has transcended the boundaries of conventional computing! 😱 While the rest of us peasants are out here separating our monitors from our PC cases like CAVEMEN, this revolutionary genius said "why waste desk space when I could create the world's most bizarre all-in-one?!" It's the hardware equivalent of putting pineapple on pizza – simultaneously horrifying and fascinating. The transparent side panel that's supposed to show off fancy RGB components? NOPE! That's now your PRIMARY DISPLAY, honey! Cooling? Ergonomics? Cable management? Those are for the WEAK! This is what happens when someone takes "thinking outside the box" way too literally by putting everything INSIDE the box instead! I'm having an existential crisis just looking at it!

Content I work in IT, which is the reason our house has: - mechanical locks - mechanical windows - routers using OpenWRT - no smart home crap -no AlexaGoogle Assistant.. - no internet connected thermostats Tech Enthusiasts: Everything in my house is wired to the Internet of Things! I control it all from my smartphone! My smart-house is bluetooth enabled and I can give it voice commands via alexa! I love the future! Programmers Engineers: The most recent piece of technology I own is a printer from 2004 and I keep a loaded gun ready to shoot it if it ever makes an unexpected noise.

That moment when your "free antivirus" solution turns out to be worse than the original threat. The classic bait-and-switch where you download some sketchy antivirus to save your computer, but instead of rescuing the hostage, it just executes it and high-fives the original virus. Been in tech for 15 years and I've seen more systems bricked by "PC SUPER CLEANER 2000" than actual malware. Pro tip: Windows Defender and common sense are free and don't come with complementary ransomware.

The undead king of operating systems refuses to die! Windows XP, released in 2001, is somehow still commanding a higher market share (0.64%) than both Windows Vista (0.07%) and Windows 8 (0.28%) combined. That iconic blue sky and green hill background is basically the digital equivalent of a retirement home resident outliving their own children. Microsoft's engineers are somewhere crying into their keyboards while legacy systems administrators are proudly wearing their "It just works" t-shirts. The zombie OS keeps shambling along, bloody but unbowed, like Randy Marsh in South Park refusing to give up a fight. No security updates? No modern browser support? XP users: "I didn't hear no bell!"