Who Needs A Laptop

JavaScript, the DRAMA QUEEN of programming languages! Look at this unholy abomination where an empty array plus 1 becomes "1" (a string!), but suddenly [1] + 1 transforms into "11" because JavaScript decided type coercion was feeling extra spicy today! And then [1,2] + 1 gives us "1,21" because WHY NOT just concatenate everything into a string salad?! JavaScript's type coercion is basically that friend who NEVER follows the plan and just makes up rules as they go. The language equivalent of saying "I'm not chaotic, I'm just quirky!" 💅

Regular people worry about ignoring texts and relationships. Developers just want to know which files to add to .gitignore so their repo doesn't get cluttered with garbage. The sweet relief on that dev's face when he discovers he can ignore node_modules instead of pushing 500MB of dependencies to GitHub. Pure bliss. Meanwhile, his relationship status remains "it's complicated with package-lock.json."

The existential crisis of a rubber duck debugging session. That little yellow companion questioning its purpose in life, only to discover it's just a silent therapist for frustrated developers. "You listen to me complain about my bugs" is the perfect summary of every programmer's relationship with their desk duck. Twenty years in this industry and I'm still talking to plastic toys about why my code won't compile. The duck's resigned "Oh my quack" is basically how we all feel after the tenth hour of hunting down a missing semicolon.

The eternal struggle of modern web development: Your actual app code is a measly 300kb, but somehow you're lugging around 12GB of node_modules like some kind of digital pack mule. Nothing says "efficient coding" like needing 40,000x more space for dependencies than your actual product. And we wonder why our laptops sound like they're preparing for takeoff every time we run npm install .

The crushing realization that the web isn't powered by mystical forces but rather by a horrifying patchwork of JavaScript frameworks, browser quirks, and legacy code held together with duct tape and prayers. The transition from "this must be magic" to "dear god, it's all just if-statements in a trench coat" is enough to make anyone shed a single dramatic tear.

Remember when FAANG (Facebook, Apple, Amazon, Netflix, Google) was the dream destination for every code monkey with a computer science degree? Well, move over grandpa, because now it's all about GAYMAN - Google, Amazon, Y(ahoo?), Meta, Apple, Nvidia. The tech landscape shifts faster than my git branch strategy. These six horsemen of the apocalypse now control whether your resume gets tossed in the bin or your salary hits six figures. Funny how we measure our worth by which corporate logo sits on our LinkedIn profile. Peak capitalism wrapped in RGB lighting.