The Sword Of Lies

Seven years of experience and a six-figure salary just to tell juniors to Google their problems. The circle of dev life continues. I've gone from being offended when seniors told me to "just Google it" to becoming the very monster who says it while sipping my third coffee of the morning. The best part? It actually works 90% of the time. Teaching self-sufficiency through mild trauma - it's called mentorship.

The worst security advice ever wrapped in a cute anime package! Hardcoding your API keys directly in your frontend JavaScript is like leaving your house keys under the doormat with a neon sign pointing to it. Any curious user can just pop open DevTools, check the Network tab or source code, and boom—free access to your services! That $20,000 AWS bill because someone found your S3 credentials and decided to mine crypto? That's just the universe teaching you about environment variables and backend authentication the hard way.

Regular insults? Pfft . Programmers have evolved beyond such primitive attacks. Why call someone "ugly" when you can utterly devastate them by pointing out that Microsoft's stock value plummets every time they write a line of code? The cat's deadpan delivery is the perfect embodiment of programmer humor—ruthlessly precise, financially quantifiable, and delivered with the cold, calculating stare of someone who's debugged legacy code at 4AM. It's not personal... it's just statistically significant.

Spent $89 on that ultra-silent ergonomic mouse only for JavaScript to expose your every click like an overeager surveillance system. The addEventListener('click') doesn't care about your "silent" hardware—it's catching those clicks regardless of how much you paid for that fancy no-sound mouse. The DOM sees all, hears all. Your attempts at stealth clicking during midnight coding sessions? Completely irrelevant to the event propagation system that powers the web.

HONEY, LISTEN TO ME! The banking industry is having a CRISIS of BIBLICAL proportions! First they're all like "Modern" and "Front" and "End" - cool buzzwords that make developers feel special. But then BOOM! Plot twist! She says "Modern Frontend" and he DARES to respond with "Java Servlet"?! 💀 It's like showing up to a Tesla convention with a steam engine! These billion-dollar banks are STILL running ancient Java servlets from the JURASSIC PERIOD while pretending they're all modern and cutting-edge! The AUDACITY! The DECEPTION! The absolutely prehistoric tech stack masquerading in designer clothes!

Five of these panels show the typical innovation S-curve where technology evolves from primitive (MS-DOS, Internet Explorer) to peak performance (Windows 95, Chrome). Then there's music... where we apparently peaked at Napster and it's been downhill ever since. The real innovation was clearly the ability to download entire discographies without paying a cent. Progress isn't always what corporate overlords want you to believe it is.