Spiders: The Only Web Developers Who Love Bugs

The four stages of becoming a JavaScript developer: 1. Innocent excitement: "Ooh, a book about JavaScript!" 2. First encounter with callback hell: *uncontrollable sobbing* 3. Acceptance phase: *builds fortress of solitude with multiple monitors* 4. Final form: Bearded wisdom, thousand-yard stare, and a strong drink to numb the pain of yet another framework release. They grow up so fast when you feed them promises that never resolve.

Nothing ages you faster than remembering when scrollbars were chunky, reliable parts of the browser window that just sat there doing their job. Now we've got these fancy disappearing overlays that show up for 0.5 seconds before fading away like your hopes of maintaining backward compatibility. The real tragedy? Watching the frog age from "young dev with bright eyes" to "senior engineer who's seen too many UI frameworks come and go" in the time it takes for browsers to decide scrollbars should be ephemeral experiences rather than functional UI elements.

The existential dread noose is tightening around everyone's neck! Developers think they're special snowflakes trembling about AI taking their precious coding jobs, while completely forgetting that translators, designers, and support staff have been dangling from the gallows of automation for months already. It's like watching someone panic about a tsunami while standing next to people who are already neck-deep in water. The irony is that devs are literally building the very AI tools that will eventually replace them. Talk about sawing off the branch you're sitting on!

Ah, the eternal programmer's dilemma – our brains are basically just self-sabotaging meat computers running on contradictory code. When we're coding, our brain screams "you're wasting your life!" But when we're relaxing, it's all "you lazy bum, get back to work!" And then we just stand there, holding our malfunctioning brain, screaming "WHAT DO YOU ACTUALLY WANT FROM ME?!" This is why programmers drink so much coffee – not for the energy, but to drown out the constant mental merge conflicts. The real bug was in our heads all along.

The existential horror when your muscle memory betrays you and launches Chrome instead of Firefox. That face isn't disgust—it's the realization that Google just received another data point about your existence. Firefox users treat Chrome like vegans treat McDonald's—something that makes them physically recoil while simultaneously feeling morally superior. The browser wars aren't just about performance anymore; they're about which tech overlord gets to know your embarrassing 2AM searches. And yes, I'm judging you for having both installed.

Developers: "I hate PHP! Get that thing out of my face!" Also developers: *aggressively consumes Laravel, a PHP framework* Five minutes later: *quietly making money with the very thing they claimed to despise* The circle of developer life: loudly hating technologies while secretly using them to pay the bills. The dollar signs don't lie.