I Was There, Son. I Was There.

Parental controls flagging PHP learning as "forbidden knowledge" is the most unintentionally accurate thing ever. Good parenting right there - protecting innocent children from the psychological trauma of learning PHP. Next thing you know they'll be searching for "how to center a div" and we'll have to stage an intervention. The real restricted content warning should be "This language might make you question your career choices."

Electron is the JavaScript framework that thinks your 128GB of RAM is a personal challenge. The tweet shows task manager with memory usage at 95% with almost 80GB consumed by a single app. Chrome: "I'm the memory hog!" Electron: "Hold my node_modules folder." Nothing says "modern development" quite like needing server-grade hardware to run a glorified text editor. Eight years of optimization work and it still treats RAM like an all-you-can-eat buffet.

The slow, inevitable death of PHP at the hands of Python frameworks is basically a tech horror story at this point. First Python just hangs around, then it starts nibbling at PHP's market share, then it's consuming half the elephant, and finally—BOOM—Python-Django has completely devoured the poor beast and evolved into its final form. The circle of life in web development. Pour one out for PHP, which will somehow still be running on 79% of the internet in 2035.

The Grim Reaper of programming trends is making his rounds! First, he slaughtered Visual Programming (drag-and-drop interfaces), then butchered No-Code platforms (the "anyone can code" fantasy), and now he's knocking on "Vibe Coding" – whatever the hell that is. Probably some AI-generated garbage where you just describe your mood and it spits out broken code. Meanwhile, actual programmers are just watching this parade of buzzwords die one by one. The industry keeps trying to "disrupt" us out of jobs, but can't even get past "Hello World" without a stack overflow and three existential crises. Spoiler alert: The next door is "Quantum Emotional Programming" where your code only works if you're feeling particularly anxious on a Tuesday.

The classic regex lifecycle in three simple steps: start with one problem, apply regex thinking it's the solution, end up with two problems. And yes, the plural of regex is absolutely "regrets" – a truth universally acknowledged by anyone who's ever tried to debug a pattern that worked perfectly in the testing tool but somehow fails spectacularly in production. It's like watching someone reach for regex to parse HTML. You want to stop them, but it's already too late. Their soul now belongs to the matching group demons.

Look at that sleek Lamborghini-bus hybrid monstrosity! The ultimate metaphor for our codebases - fancy StackOverflow snippets bolted onto utilitarian public transportation. Sure, that elegant algorithm you copied might look like a supercar, but it's awkwardly attached to your janky bus of legacy code that somehow still gets passengers from A to B. The real magic? Both parts are the same shade of lime green, suggesting they're totally meant to work together. Spoiler alert: they're not. Yet somehow this architectural abomination still runs in production while your tech debt ticket remains at the bottom of the backlog.