HTML: The Beetle In The Programming Zoo

The eternal web development paradox: a site proudly announces it "doesn't use cookies" while clearly failing to remember you already dismissed this notification. Nothing says "we respect your privacy" quite like forcing you to click the same damn button every time you visit. Somewhere, a frontend developer is laughing maniacally while deliberately not implementing localStorage either.

Junior devs getting bullied by the entire programming ecosystem until ChatGPT comes along like "Hey buddy, let me help you with that regex. No question is too stupid, I promise." The real programming revolution wasn't better frameworks or faster computers—it was finally having someone who doesn't make you feel like garbage for not knowing what a monad is.

HTML snuggled between actual programming languages like a cat between loaves of bread is the most accurate thing I've seen all week. Just chilling there with its markup tags, no variables, no functions, no compiler... yet somehow still invited to all the dev conferences. It's like that friend who can't code but still gets included in all the technical discussions because they bring snacks. "What's that? You can't handle logic? It's fine, you make pretty buttons."

SWEET MERCIFUL HEAVENS! The absolute TRAUMA of waking up from the most beautiful dream where coding and technology didn't exist! For one blissful moment, you thought you'd escaped the hellscape of JavaScript callbacks, React component lifecycles, and the eternal damnation of debugging! But NOPE! You're just a primitive primate destined to hunt for semicolons instead of ants. The sheer AUDACITY of your brain to make you think you could escape the programming matrix! Return to monke - it's genuinely the better option at this point! 🐒

The classic tale of developer overengineering, brought to you by "pingusVM" - a project that died before it lived. Nothing screams "I've been coding too long" like deciding your VM needs both stack AND register-based architecture when one would've done just fine. Meanwhile, WebAssembly is sitting there like "been there, solved that" while our ambitious dev realizes they've reinvented a square wheel. The best projects are the ones you abandon after that 2AM moment of clarity when you realize you're competing with an entire team at Google. But hey, at least they got a funny name out of it. RIP pingusVM (2023-2023) - we hardly knew ye.

Ah, the classic "fix" that would make security engineers have a collective aneurysm! Instead of updating code to use the recommended Object.assign() method, this genius just downgraded their Node version to make the deprecation warning disappear. It's like fixing a check engine light by removing the bulb. Problem solved... technically? The six people who thumbs-upped this solution are probably the same folks who "fix" memory leaks by rebooting their server every night.