Master Web Developer

Oh. My. GOD. Remember when web development was just slapping some HTML, CSS, and jQuery together like a sandwich and calling it a day?! 💅 Now we've got 47 JavaScript frameworks, 23 build tools, and enough npm packages to fill the Grand Canyon! Back then you could actually SLEEP at night without dreaming about webpack configurations! The AUDACITY of modern development expecting us to learn a new framework before we've even finished our morning coffee! Those jQuery days were like taking a bubble bath compared to the FLAMING OBSTACLE COURSE that is frontend development today! *dramatically faints onto keyboard*

The ultimate cosmic horror for system admins everywhere. Galactus, devourer of worlds, has demands that would make Cthulhu shudder: rewriting the Linux kernel in JavaScript. Just imagine - your mission-critical infrastructure running on a language where [] + [] equals an empty string and [] + {} equals "[object Object]". The kernel panics would be replaced with "undefined is not a function" and your uptime would be measured in milliseconds. No wonder they couldn't negotiate. Some prices are too high, even for the survival of humanity.

When your LinkedIn title needs to sound fancier than "I fix other people's garbage code." The sudden epidemic of "Vibe Coding Cleanup Specialists" is what happens when developers collectively realize nobody wants to admit they're just janitors for spaghetti code. Nothing says "I've seen things that would make a junior dev cry" quite like rebranding debugging as "vibe cleanup." Bonus points for "Overengineering Specialist" – because why solve a problem simply when you can build an entire framework around it?

HTML sitting there with the actual programming languages like it belongs. Nice try, markup language. You're just fancy text with delusions of grandeur. Next thing you know, CSS will want voting rights too.

The eternal battle between frontend and backend continues! Some software devs love to dismiss terrible UX as a "skill issue" – as if users should need a PhD to navigate your janky interface. "Oh, you can't find the submit button that's hidden behind three hamburger menus and requires a secret handshake? Sounds like a YOU problem." Meanwhile, that butterfly of awful design keeps fluttering away, ready to torture the next unsuspecting user. Pro tip: if your grandma can't use it, it's not the user who needs more skills.

Ah, the modern "full stack" - three JavaScript frameworks and absolutely nothing else. Backend? What's that? Database? Never heard of it. Networking? Is that some kind of social media thing? This is the equivalent of saying you're a car mechanic because you know how to change three different brands of windshield wipers. The stack in question appears to be Meteor.js, BitBucket, and some other JS framework that probably didn't exist last Tuesday and will be deprecated by Friday.