Full Stack Developer Starter Pack

The modern web: muscular SpongeBob flexing with cutting-edge frameworks and sleek designs. Government websites: derpy SpongeBob looking like he was coded in 1997 using a potato. Nothing says "we handle your taxes and personal data" quite like a website that looks like it was designed during the Clinton administration. The digital equivalent of using a rotary phone in the age of smartphones. Fun fact: Some government sites still support Internet Explorer because apparently bureaucracy moves at the speed of continental drift.

The bell curve of developer intelligence strikes again. The 55 IQ junior dev thinks everything is just CRUD because they've only built simple apps. The 145 IQ senior architect also thinks everything is CRUD because after years of overengineering, they've realized most problems boil down to "create, read, update, delete" with fancy clothes on. Meanwhile, the 100 IQ mid-level developer is sweating about "complex architectures and states" because they're just experienced enough to know how complicated things can get, but not wise enough to see the underlying simplicity. The circle of developer life.

The seductive whisper of "come under the blankets, I have something to show you" takes a hilarious turn when instead of anything romantic, it's just a developer proudly displaying their bloated node_modules folder with 113,652 items taking up 120GB of precious disk space. Nothing says "I'm a JavaScript developer" quite like needing an entire hard drive just to import left-pad. The modern equivalent of "I swear this never happened before" is explaining to your PM why installing a simple date picker requires downloading half the internet.

The math checks out. What they don't tell you in CS degrees is that actual coding is just the tip of the iceberg in this profession. The rest? A delightful cocktail of existential crises. That 40% debugging time is actually 39% wondering how your perfectly logical code produced results that defy the laws of physics, and 1% finding a missing semicolon. And let's be honest, that 5% Stack Overflow figure seems suspiciously low. It's like admitting you only check your ex's social media "occasionally."

Ah yes, the infamous [object Object] — JavaScript's way of saying "I tried to convert an object to a string and failed spectacularly." Some poor developer forgot to extract the actual email property and just dumped the entire user object into the template. Now Virgin Media's customer is being addressed as a literal JavaScript error. Nothing says "we value your business" like exposing your serialization bugs in customer communications. This is why we can't have nice things in production.

BEHOLD! The ancient Google homepage from 1999 - back when the internet was an innocent utopia and Google was just a "pure search engine" without all the modern baggage! 😭 Look at this prehistoric artifact claiming "no news feed, no links to sponsors, no ads, no distractions" - I am DECEASED! 💀 Fast forward to today where Google tracks your every digital breath, serves you personalized ads before you even THINK about wanting something, and knows more about your browsing habits than your therapist! This is like finding a picture of your ex before they turned into a complete nightmare. So pure. So simple. So TRAGICALLY gone forever!