Full Stack Developer Starter Pack

Parents buying programming books for babies while poor Toby's already driven to alcoholism at age 3. When your parents force-feed you C++, HTML, CSS, and JavaScript before you can even form complete sentences, your career path is pretty much decided. That kid's thousand-yard stare says it all - he's already debugging nested callbacks in his sippy cup. The modern tech parenting approach: skip the alphabet books and go straight to syntax errors. No wonder he's hitting the bottle early - he probably dreams in segmentation faults.

The most tragic love story in programming: someone asking "Do you still love me?" and getting a response with a syntax error. That semicolon before "yes" is basically saying "I'm breaking up with you in JavaScript." The compiler caught the red flag before she did. Next time just ghost her like a proper undefined variable.

Autocomplete gone wild! Typing ":Um" in your code editor and suddenly you're choosing between American flags and weather accessories. It's like your IDE thinks you're planning a patriotic beach party instead of just hesitating in your comments. Programmers spend half their lives fighting these suggestions while muttering "that's not what I meant" under their breath. The struggle between what you want to type and what your editor thinks you want is the eternal battle of our people!

The JavaScript pushState() function has an unused parameter that literally does nothing but can't be removed because... backward compatibility! 🤦‍♂️ It's like that one useless function parameter that's been in your codebase for 5 years and everyone's too scared to remove it because "something might break." The documentation even admits it with a straight face: "This parameter exists for historical reasons, and cannot be omitted." The red scribbles perfectly capture every developer's reaction: "??? WTF" - which is basically the official technical term for legacy code maintenance.

Parental controls flagging PHP learning as "forbidden knowledge" is the most unintentionally accurate thing ever. Good parenting right there - protecting innocent children from the psychological trauma of learning PHP. Next thing you know they'll be searching for "how to center a div" and we'll have to stage an intervention. The real restricted content warning should be "This language might make you question your career choices."

PHP has been declared dead more times than a character in a soap opera, yet it powers about 77% of the web. It's the tech equivalent of that one cockroach that survives nuclear winter. Modern frameworks like Laravel have given it life support, but developers still look at it with the same bewilderment as someone witnessing a zombie doing taxes. "It shouldn't be alive, but here we are."