Elon's Flawless Twitter Profit Strategy

MongoDB trying to convince you it's built for every app while JavaScript is silently converting its marketing message to [object Object] is the perfect metaphor for web development. Nothing says "I'm ready for production" like your database advertisement turning into the infamous toString() failure that haunts every JS developer's nightmares. If your marketing can't escape type coercion issues, maybe your database isn't really built for "every" app after all...

The sweet, sweet dopamine hit of seeing "no conflicts with base branch" is better than any drug on the market. That magical green checkmark means your code won't trigger a three-hour merge nightmare where you question your career choices. Developers spend 90% of their time dreading merge conflicts and 10% celebrating when they don't happen. It's the little things in life - like when Git doesn't make you want to throw your laptop out the window.

Ah, the classic Reddit ASCII Snoo recruitment technique. Nothing says "we need developers" like hiding job ads in the console where only the curious nerds will find them. It's like leaving cheese in a mousetrap, except the cheese is a job opportunity and the mouse is a developer who can't help but inspect every website they visit. Twenty years in the industry and companies are still pulling the "How do you do, fellow hackers?" routine. Gotta respect the hustle though—beats those "we're like a family" job listings.

The JavaScript framework mining operation is in full swing. Above ground, we've got the established frameworks (TANSTACK, React, Svelte) sitting pretty on a diamond field, while Next.js is being frantically mined below by some poor developer. Meanwhile, Angular and Vue are just waiting their turn in the endless cycle of framework hype. Frontend developers are basically digital prospectors at this point. "This framework will be the one that makes me rich with efficient code!" Sure, buddy. Just like the last five you tried.

Ah, the sophisticated art of problem-solving! Why spend hours debugging your broken code when you can simply delete the linter and live in blissful ignorance? It's like covering the check engine light with duct tape instead of fixing your car. Sure, the code still crashes in production, but at least those pesky red squiggly lines aren't hurting your feelings anymore. Modern problems require modern solutions—just not particularly good ones.

Forget P vs NP and the halting problem! The real unsolved mysteries of computer science are the everyday nightmares we pretend don't exist. That moving button that plays hard-to-get just as you're about to click it? Pure evil. And don't get me started on trying to send a simple file between devices—apparently easier than putting humans on Mars, yet somehow still impossible without sacrificing a mechanical keyboard to the tech gods. My personal favorite: web developers somehow making simple text and images consume more memory than the entire Apollo mission. Because nothing says "modern web" like needing 16GB of RAM to read a recipe.