But Performance

The corporate-to-home wardrobe budget transformation is the true remote work perk nobody talks about. Left side: $322 of business casual attire. Right side: $132 of "camera-ready from the waist up" fashion and whatever the hell counts as pants when nobody can see your lower half. The glasses stay though—gotta maintain that "I know what I'm doing" facade while debugging in your underwear. Remote work didn't just save commute time; it liberated us from the tyranny of pants.

Standing on the shoulders of giants... while pretending you're levitating. The entire software industry is just us importing someone else's npm package, adding three lines of code, and then strutting around like we've invented electricity. Meanwhile, the real heroes who solved P=NP are buried in some GitHub repo with 2 stars. The best part? We all know it, yet tomorrow we'll npm install another solution and feel like technological wizards for implementing a toggle button.

The classic trolley problem gets a programmer's twist! We've got two standards committees (TC39 for JavaScript and JTC1 for C++) tied to the nuclear option, while cancer and AIDS cures are on another track. Every developer knows the pain of dealing with language standards committees that seem to drag on forever with decisions that can blow up your codebase. The real moral dilemma: do you save humanity with medical breakthroughs, or do you finally put those endless committee meetings out of their misery? Let's be honest, we've all fantasized about nuking a standards meeting after implementing our 17th breaking change in a month.

When debugging gets too intense, just rage quit! This magnificent error handling strategy shows the pinnacle of software engineering: a catch block that simply closes the window. No logs, no error messages, no problem! It's the digital equivalent of flipping the table and walking away. Why fix bugs when you can just make them disappear... along with your entire application? Pure genius for those who believe user experience is overrated.

OH. MY. GOD. The AUDACITY of this burn! 🔥 Full-stack developers are basically the theater kids of programming who proudly announce they can do EVERYTHING while secretly being mediocre at EVERYTHING. It's like claiming you're bilingual because you can say "hello" and "bathroom" in seven languages. The jack of all trades, master of absolutely none! That resume might say "full-stack" but what it really means is "I've watched tutorials for both React AND MongoDB." Diversifying your incompetence isn't a skill, honey!

The evolution of web development in four panels! Started with the innocent dream of "build the internet" - so pure, so simple. Then we added some HTML/CSS because, you know, websites should look pretty. But then... oh no... the JavaScript framework apocalypse struck! Now we're all frantically learning 17 new frameworks before breakfast just to stay employable. Remember when you could just FTP a single HTML file to a server and call it a day? Now you need 4GB of node_modules to display "Hello World". The modern web: where your simple todo app requires more computing power than NASA used to reach the moon.