Bash Script Never Heard Of It

Nothing says "I am the tech god now" quite like furiously typing commands in a black terminal window while your non-technical friend watches in awe. The pathetic little bars for money and status? Please. Real power is making your coworker think you're hacking the Pentagon when you're just running ls -la and hoping nobody notices you had to Google "how to unzip file terminal" 30 seconds earlier. The best part? That tiny green bar for money is painfully accurate for most of us command-line wizards. But who needs financial stability when you can make the marketing team gasp by using vim instead of Word?

Regular Kermit uses the menu options like a law-abiding citizen. Dark side Kermit knows the keyboard shortcuts that shave precious microseconds off your workflow. The real power users never touch the mouse. Rumor has it some developers haven't seen their cursor since 2007.

THE ABSOLUTE TRAGEDY of explaining to your Neovim-obsessed friend why their precious "lightweight" text editor is somehow devouring 2GB of RAM while doing ABSOLUTELY NOTHING! 💀 Like, honey, if I wanted something to eat all my resources while sitting idle, I'd just install Chrome! Your terminal-based minimalist editor with 500 plugins, custom Lua configurations, and language servers is basically an IDE in denial. The conspiracy board in the background is just *chef's kiss* perfect for mapping out this relationship between Neovim and your RAM.

Oh. My. God. The DESCENT into tech purity madness has never been so PERFECTLY captured! 💅 First, you're just an innocent Windows user. Then SUDDENLY you're putting on foundation and diving into Ubuntu because "Windows is bloat" (how dare it have a GUI that works, right?!). But honey, that's just the GATEWAY drug! Before you know it, you're applying full clown makeup and screaming about how even UBUNTU is too mainstream as you frantically install Arch like it's some kind of personality trait! The FINAL transformation? Full rainbow wig, declaring that EVERYTHING is garbage except your precious Rust, which you'll use to rewrite the calculator app that worked perfectly fine before you spent 6 months "optimizing" it. 🤡 The tech elitism to clown pipeline is REAL, people!

The vi/vim/neovim progression really is the Pokémon evolution of text editors—each one more powerful and unnecessarily complex than the last. You start with vi (barely functional, can't even exit), evolve to vim (now you can customize EVERYTHING), and finally reach neovim (Lua configs and a plugin ecosystem that rivals npm). But the real tragedy here? The yearning for ed/edd/eddy as text editors. For those who don't know, ed is the OG Unix line editor from 1969—so minimal it makes vi look like Microsoft Word. You literally edit files one line at a time with cryptic commands. It's what your grandfather used to write C code uphill both ways. The joke works on multiple levels: it's a Cartoon Network reference, a commentary on the Unix philosophy of evolution, and a sarcastic jab at people who gatekeep text editors. Because nothing says "I'm a real programmer" like pining for a 50-year-old editor that has less features than Notepad.

When your dating app and GitHub notifications start blending together... 😂 Dating sites promise "hot singles" but developers know the real satisfaction comes from those promiscuous codebases just begging for your refactoring skills. The Linux Kernel is young, eager, and only 3 miles away! Meanwhile, Emacs is that slightly older, sophisticated editor with strong opinions about parentheses. And Visual Studio? That's the young one with a "6 year guide" - clearly needs an experienced developer to show it the ropes. The only commitment issues worse than your ex's are legacy codebases that haven't been refactored since 2008.