I Dont Remember This Scene

Nothing says "I'm a real programmer" like spending 80% of your time frantically Googling "how to exit vim" for the 47th time this week. While normal people worry about finding inappropriate texts, your partner just discovered your deepest, darkest shame: you still can't remember if it's :wq , :q! , or just smashing your keyboard until something happens. The true walk of shame isn't leaving someone's apartment—it's admitting you've been using Vim for 5 years and still need to look up basic commands. At least she now knows why you're always muttering "hjkl" in your sleep.

Oh sweet summer child! That "white dot" is the file being modified indicator—basically screaming "HEY, YOU HAVEN'T SAVED YOUR CHANGES YET!" But the real horror show? This person is casually displaying their plaintext password file for all of Reddit to see. Nothing says "hack me please" like showing off your passwords.csv with actual credentials. Somewhere, a security engineer is having heart palpitations while david13, john87, and friends are about to learn a valuable lesson about information sharing.

Ah, the classic "how to become a hacker" fantasy where knowing Vim is somehow equivalent to martial arts. This satirical masterpiece mocks those cringe-worthy "elite hacker" guides by combining actual technical concepts (DNS, root zones) with absurdly theatrical nonsense. The author brilliantly escalates from "learn Vim" to an international conspiracy involving the ICANN key holders (who are real, by the way), then devolves into a fever dream where Linux fanboys throw penguin-shaped ninja stars while Darude's Sandstorm plays dramatically in the background. My favorite part? The Nokia 3310 nunchucks—because nothing says "elite hacker" like weaponizing indestructible phones from 2000. It's basically what happens when someone watches Mr. Robot after chugging five Red Bulls and falling asleep with their mechanical keyboard as a pillow.

While Vim zealots and VS Code fanboys are busy screaming at each other with tears streaming down their faces, the true gigachad silently opens Notepad and gets the job done without spending 3 hours configuring plugins. Sure, it's like performing surgery with a butter knife, but sometimes you just need to edit a damn config file without your computer throwing a tantrum. The real flex isn't your fancy IDE—it's shipping code while everyone else is still arguing about tab width.

The perfect metaphor for the Vim user in every dev team. While everyone else is silently mourning the death of simplicity in text editors, that one developer just has to announce their undying loyalty to Vim. It's like a funeral for normal editing workflows, and the Vim enthusiast still can't resist the urge to tell everyone about their 47 custom keybindings and how they can delete a word with "diw" faster than you can reach for your mouse. The coffin might as well contain the remains of productive team discussions that don't devolve into editor wars.

The eternal tech podcast dichotomy: hardcore engineer who lives in Vim vs. the polished host who hasn't touched code since jQuery was cool. Left side: Actually writes software that powers what you're watching on. Right side: Talks about software while secretly wondering if anyone will notice they forgot what a for-loop does. My favorite part? "Ran Doom on SMS Chipotle receipt" vs "1 peer-reviewed paper (removed by MIT)" is basically the two career paths available to CS graduates. The real punchline is we all know which one makes more money talking about programming than actually programming...