We Do Not Test On Animals We Test In Production

The classic tale of software development! You've got this beautiful, sleeping lion of efficient code that's been purring along just fine in production for months. Then some product manager comes along with a stick and the brilliant idea to "just add one small feature" that's about to wake the beast and unleash chaos across your entire codebase. That baboon with a stick is the perfect embodiment of management poking at stable systems without understanding the delicate balance that keeps everything from exploding. Ten bucks says the lion wakes up and someone's going to be debugging until 4 AM on a Saturday.

Junior devs live in a fantasy world where they either think they're writing perfect code or have emotional meltdowns when criticized. Meanwhile, senior devs have reached coding nirvana – the beautiful state where you can both tell someone their code is absolute garbage and accept when yours is too. Nothing says "I've been in this industry for a decade" quite like the calm acceptance that everything we build is just varying degrees of terrible.

Content Computer programming See more Frank Eno "Mystery Box - The Room". xsgames Your code has a bug, where do you go first? a) Google b) StackOverflow c) Reddit d) Crying to your mom 23:26 241022 Hypefury ProarammerHumor.io

Content Well, VSCode is not raising up anything... the browser isn't reporting any errors... Only one thing left to do: STARE AT THE CODE!!!!

Content Based on a true story: xxx: OK, so, our build engineer has left for another company. The dude was literally living inside the terminal. You know, that type of a guy who loves Vim, creates diagrams in Dot and writes wiki-posts in Markdown... If something - anything - requires more than 90 seconds of his time, he writes a script to automate that. xxx: So we're sitting here, looking through his, uhm, "legacy" xxx: You're gonna love this xxx: smack-my-bitch-up.sh - sends a text message "late at work" to his wife (apparently). Automatically picks reasons from an array of strings, randomly. Runs inside a cron-job. The job fires if there are active SSH-sessions on the server after 9pm with his login. xxx: kumar-asshole.sh - scans the inbox for emails from "Kumar" (a DBA at our clients). Looks for keywords like "help" "trouble" "sorry" etc. If keywords are found - the script SSHes into the clients server and rolls back the staging database to the latest backup. Then sends a reply "no worries mate, be careful next time". xxx: hangover.sh - another cron-job that is set to specific dates. Sends automated emails like "not feeling wellgonna work from home" etc. Adds a random "reason" from another predefined array of strings. Fires if there are no interactive sessions on the server at 8:45am. xxx: (and the oscar goes to) fucking-coffee.sh - this one waits exactly 17 seconds (!), then opens a telnet session to our coffee-machine (we had no frikin idea the coffee machine is on the network, runs linux and has a TCP socket up and running) and sends something like sys brew . Turns out this thing starts brewing a mid-sized half- caf latte and waits another 24 (!) seconds before pouring it into a cup. The timing is exactly how long it takes to walk to the machine from the dudes desk. xxx: holy sht l'm keeping those

Content Bae: Come over Dijkstra: But there are so many routes to take and I don't know which one's the fastest Bae: My parents aren't home Dijkstra: Dijkstra's algorithm Graph search algorithm Not to be confused with Dykstra's projection algorithm. Dijkstra's algorithm is an algorithm for finding the shortest paths between nodes in a graph, which may represent, for example, road networks. It was conceived by computer scientist Edger W. Dijkstra in 1956 and published three years later. (12) The algorithm exists in many variants; Dijkstra's original variant found the shortest path between two nodes, but a more common variant fixes a single node as the "source node and finds shortest paths from the source to all other nodes in the graph, producing a shortest-path tree. Dijkstra's algorithm Out