The New Feature Has Zero Bugs

OH. MY. GOD. The audacity of this developer! 💅 When asked how they fixed that nasty bug, they just casually drop "Ostrich algorithm" - which is literally the programming equivalent of shoving your head in the sand and pretending the problem doesn't exist! It's the digital version of putting a piece of tape over your check engine light! The absolute DRAMA of admitting you didn't actually fix anything but just decided the bug was "too rare to care about" is sending me to another dimension. This is peak developer energy - why spend 10 hours fixing something when you can spend 10 seconds ignoring it? *hair flip*

Oh snap! Debugging as an onion is the most painfully accurate metaphor ever created. 🧅 You start with a simple bug, then peel back one layer only to find ANOTHER bug hiding underneath. Three layers deep and you're questioning your career choices. Five layers in and you're sobbing into your keyboard at 3AM while your roommate wonders if you're having an existential crisis. (Spoiler: you totally are.) The worst part? Sometimes you fix the bug and have NO IDEA which layer actually solved it! *chef's kiss* Pure coding chaos.

Content Me when im at church Me when im programming Dear God, please don't break production

Content Hacker Scripts Based on a true story: xxx: OK, so, our build engineer has left for another company. The dude was literally living inside the terminal. You know, that type of a guy who loves Vim, creates diagrams in Dot and writes wiki-posts in Markdown... If something - anything requires more than 90 seconds of his time, he writes a script to automate that. xxx: So we're sitting here, looking through his, uhm, "legacy" xxx: You're gonna love this xxx: smack-my-bitch-up.sh - sends a text message "late at work" to his wife (apparently). Automatically picks reasons from an array of strings, randomly. Runs inside a cron-job. The job fires if there are active SSH-sessions on the server after 9pm with his login. xxX: kumar-asshole.sh - scans the inbox for emails from "Kumar" (a DBA at our clients). Looks for keywords like "help", "trouble", "sorry etc. If keywords are found - the script SSHes into the clients server and rolls back the staging database to the latest backup. Then sends a reply "no worries mate, be careful next time". xxX: hangover.sh - another cron-job that is set to specific dates. Sends automated emails like "not feeling wellgonna work from home" etc. Adds a random "reason" from another predefined array of strings. Fires if there are no interactive sessions on the server at 8:45am. xxX: (and the oscar goes to) fucking-coffee.sh - this one waits exactly 17 seconds (!), then opens a telnet session to our coffee-machine (we had no frikin idea the coffee machine is on the network, runs linux and has a TCP socket up and running) and sends something like sys brew. Turns out this thing starts brewing a mid-sized half-caf latte and waits another 24 (!) seconds before pouring it into a cup. The timing is exactly how long it takes to walk to the machine from the dudes desk. xxx: holy sht I'm keeping those

Content Walf walfieee Follow escape room concept: - you are a software engineer - there is a production issue related to a legacy codebase - no one knows how it works - various credentials are scattered around the office on post-it notes -there's some printouts of git diffs - you have an hour to fix this 5:36 am - 18 Jan 2018 6,627 Retweets 14,204 Likes 356 17 6.6K 14K

Content Nathan James siames 10h Which unit tests would you add to your life? ih 1,217 97 17 11 t You Retweeted innovaTony InnovaTony Replying to nsjames assert(currentMood, Mood.happy) 10:42 AM 13 Jan 23