I Don't Always Test My Code

Ah, the classic "push notification to production" disaster. Some poor intern at Dairy Queen just learned the hard way that there's no such thing as a test environment, only production environments you haven't broken yet. The best part is the corporate damage control: "Good news, the test worked!" Yeah, and now millions of people know your DevOps practices are about as solid as a melting Blizzard on a hot summer day. That smiley face emoji is the digital equivalent of nervous laughter while the senior devs frantically search Stack Overflow for "how to recall push notifications."

Content Top 20 Replies by Programmers when their programs don't work... 20. That's weird... 19. It's never done that before. 18. It worked yesterday. 17. How is that possible? 16. It must be a hardware problem. 15. What did you type in wrong to get it to crash? 14. There has to be something funky in your data. 13. I haven't touched that module in weeks! 12. You must have the wrong version. 11. It's just some unlucky coincidence. 10. I can't test everything! 9. THIS can't be the source of THAT. 8. It works, but it hasn't been tested. 7. Somebody must have changed my code. 6. Did you check for a virus on your system? 5. Even though it doesn't work, how does it feel? 4. You can't use that version on your system. 3. Why do you want to do it that way? 2. Where were you when the program blew up? 1. It works on my machine.

Content Q: When I was 4, my sister was 2. 1 am now 44. How old is my sister? Programmer: 44 - (4 - 2) 42 Tester: When I was 4, my sister was 2. I am now 44. How old is my sister? O Answer Follow 97 Request o 100 Answers 5 Samuel Lipoff, studied at Harvard University Updated 17h ago This is a tough one. She might be 42, but she could be 41 or 43 also, since you don't say when your birthday is and her birthday is. Also, she could be dead. Finally, you might have thought she was your sister but actually your mom had an affair with another man and the woman who is 1-3 years younger than you is not actually your sister. But your mom may have given away your real sister for adoption, in which case she's probably older than you. See why it's tough? Finally, what if you think your sister is dead, but she actually has become an astronaut on a secret government project for near light-speed travel? Then your sister would be aging more slowly than you, so she could potentially be even younger than 41.

THE AUDACITY! First, you sprinkle your code with 500 print statements like some deranged confetti cannon, thinking you're SO clever. "Aha! I'll catch this bug red-handed!" Then the ULTIMATE BETRAYAL happens - your print statements refuse to print! Now you're stuck in debugging INCEPTION - debugging your debugging tools! It's like calling 911 only to hear "Please hold while we fix our phones." The circle of debugging hell is complete, and your sanity left the chat three coffees ago. 💀

HONEY, GRAB THE POPCORN! It's the eternal battle between developers and QA that's about to get SPICY! 🍿 Developer enters the ring with boxing gloves ready to THROW HANDS defending their precious code: "These aren't bugs, they're FEATURES, you monster!" Meanwhile, QA is just sitting there, sipping water like "Thank goodness we caught these disasters before they traumatized actual users." The absolute DRAMA of it all! The audacity! The betrayal! Yet deep down, every developer knows QA just saved their career from imploding spectacularly. They'll never admit it though - that would ruin the theatrical tension of this workplace soap opera!

The classic programmer's defense mechanism in its natural habitat! A massive military aircraft has smashed halfway through a hangar wall, and someone's slapped "It's not a Bug" on the top image. Then the bottom shot shows the same disaster with "It's a Feature" plastered on it. This is basically the software development equivalent of watching your code crash spectacularly in production and then convincing your product manager that users actually wanted their data obliterated. "No no, the application isn't destroying your files - it's streamlining your storage requirements !"