Backups Are Overrated

Ah, the sacred scrolls of developer archetypes. The Barbarian who worships C and recites man pages is just your average Unix greybeard who thinks anything after Perl is heresy. The Rogue is basically every crypto bro with questionable ethics and a VPN. Wizards are those mythical 10x developers whose code is so advanced no one can maintain it after they leave. Clerics are the TDD zealots who'd rather write tests than actually ship anything. And Druids? Just sysadmins who've spent so much time in server rooms they've started identifying as network packets. I've worked with all five. The Druid still owes me $20 and insists I call him "FoxTail69" at happy hour.

Ah, the sweet irony of digital existence. Imagine needing a machine to confirm you're not a machine. It's like asking a fish to verify you can swim. We've gone from "I think, therefore I am" to "An AI thinks I am, therefore I am." The existential crisis of 2023 isn't about purpose—it's about convincing algorithms we're flesh and blood while they're busy learning to mimic our every thought. Next up: AIs requiring verification from other AIs that they're authentic AIs. The circle of digital life continues.

Ah, the classic terminal persecution complex! Nothing says "I'm just trying to check my disk space" like opening a black screen with colorful text in public and suddenly becoming the neighborhood cyber-terrorist. The moment you fire up that bash prompt, everyone within eyesight transforms into a medieval mob ready to burn the witch. You could literally be typing ls -la to check your files, but Karen from accounting is already dialing the FBI because she's convinced you're hacking the Pentagon. Hollywood has a lot to answer for. Twenty years of hackers portrayed as hoodie-wearing villains typing at lightning speed on green-on-black screens has turned us all into suspects. Meanwhile, the real cybercriminals are probably using slick GUIs with beautiful dashboards.

When your severance package includes five minutes of unsupervised access to the data center... Revenge is a dish best served with unplugged cables. The perfect digital equivalent of taking your stapler when you leave. "You can't fire me, but I can fire your uptime!" Somewhere, a DevOps team is having the worst day of their lives while an ex-employee is having the best one of theirs.

When your GitHub access gets revoked before HR even calls you. Nothing says "surprise career transition opportunity" like finding out you're fired through a Git permission error. The modern equivalent of coming to work and your keycard doesn't work anymore. At least they didn't just git push --force you out of existence entirely!

The infamous Cloudflare 500 error page – where everything is working except the one thing you actually need. DevOps promised "cutting edge DDoS protection" but apparently forgot to protect us from their own service going down. Classic case of "we've secured everything so well that even legitimate users can't get in." It's like putting a state-of-the-art security system on your house but then losing the only key. The browser works, the host works, but London? London has chosen chaos today.