TS Should Have Been Rewritten In Rust

The programmer dating market has spoken, and it's absolutely savage. Everyone's fighting over that one Rust developer with memory-safe relationships while C++ devs are left wondering if they've been friend-zoned or just garbage collected. Notice how Java gets a question mark – even the dating pool has NullPointerExceptions when it comes to Java devs. Meanwhile, Python coders are getting attention despite spending hours arguing about whitespace, and JavaScript users somehow remain popular despite their toxic relationship with semicolons. The SQL enjoyer is probably great at relationships – they know how to properly JOIN tables at dinner parties. But that Rust developer? Memory safe, thread safe, AND relationship safe. The ultimate triple threat.

Oh. My. GOD! The absolute TRAGEDY of Rust developers! 💀 Top panel: They're Olympic champions when it comes to TALKING about Rust - pointing guns, taking names, ready to convert every programmer within a 50-mile radius! Bottom panel: The soul-crushing reality of actually having to WRITE Rust code, hunched over like they're carrying the weight of the borrow checker on their shoulders! The duality of every Rust evangelist - preaching memory safety by day, quietly fighting with compiler errors by night! The DRAMA!

One minute you're a regular sleep-deprived developer with terrible posture, and the next you've read "The Rust Programming Language" and transformed into an anime character with perfect hair. If only learning a new framework actually gave you magical powers instead of just another thing to add to your LinkedIn profile that nobody reads. The real fantasy isn't the anime transformation—it's the idea that you'll actually finish reading the documentation.

HONEY, SWEETIE, DARLING! The absolute AUDACITY of claiming English is the most powerful language while Rust developers are literally having existential crises trying to appease the almighty borrow checker! 💅 English might get you a coffee at Starbucks, but Rust prevents entire categories of memory errors and makes your code practically bulletproof! The programming language equivalent of having bodyguards, a security system, AND a moat with alligators! Meanwhile, English can't even decide if "read" is pronounced "reed" or "red" without context! THE DRAMA!

Rust's borrow checker is like that strict parent who treats their kids differently. If you're coming from C/C++ where you could casually throw pointers around like confetti, the borrow checker gently pats your head: "Oh dear, gorgeous, let me help you avoid those memory leaks." But dare you come from Python or JavaScript thinking you can just assign variables willy-nilly? "YOU DONKEY! WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU'RE TRYING TO USE THIS VARIABLE TWICE?!" Nothing humbles a high-level programmer faster than Rust screaming about ownership while your code refuses to compile for the 47th time.

Ah, the classic Rust evangelism standoff! Someone dared to mention Rust's compiler prevents bugs, and our hero swooped in with the programming equivalent of "I studied the blade while you studied the compiler." The Rust community has gained a reputation for being the CrossFit enthusiasts of programming—they'll tell you about memory safety before you even finish saying "Hello World." Meanwhile, grizzled veterans clutch their segmentation faults like precious heirlooms, insisting their decades of experience are superior to any compiler guardrails. It's the eternal struggle between "I've been coding C for 20 years and never had a buffer overflow" guy versus "have you heard the good news about our lord and savior, the borrow checker?" crowd.