Spaghetti Anyone

COBOL, the language that's been around since 1959 and somehow still runs critical banking systems worldwide. The title "Spaghetti Anyone" is chef's kiss because COBOL is basically the OG spaghetti code generator—those GOTO statements and nested IF-THEN-ELSE blocks create such tangled messes that even the original programmer needs a map to navigate their own code.

The innocent excitement here is hilarious because anyone who's actually worked with COBOL knows it's like voluntarily choosing to debug assembly language while wearing oven mitts. Fun fact: during the Y2K crisis and again in 2020 when unemployment systems crashed, governments literally had to beg retired COBOL programmers to come back because nobody under 60 knows this ancient tongue anymore. That excitement is about to turn into existential dread real quick.