Mainframe Memes

God checking in on Earth only to discover his beloved COBOL is no longer the programming superstar?! THE HORROR! 😱 For the uninitiated, COBOL is that ancient programming language from the 1950s that's basically the technological equivalent of a dinosaur that REFUSES to go extinct. It's still running critical financial systems and government infrastructure because apparently rewriting that code would be like trying to perform heart surgery while skydiving. Meanwhile, God's up there clutching his pearls because JavaScript and Python have stolen his thunder. Sorry, big guy, but your precious COBOL is now just the weird grandparent of programming languages that banks can't bear to put in a retirement home!

Nothing says "responsible parenting" quite like abandoning your child with a mainframe computer from the 1970s and a COBOL manual! This is basically the programming equivalent of leaving your kid with dinosaurs as babysitters. That poor child is about to learn that semicolons aren't just for English class and that punch cards were the original "swipe right." The ultimate character-building exercise: debug COBOL or no dinner tonight! Honestly, this might explain why so many banking systems still run on ancient code - those traumatized children grew up and refused to ever touch the code again.