Mainframe Memes

Posts tagged with Mainframe

Inheritance Works Differently In Programming
Programming Debugging
4 days ago 69.0K views 0 shares
Inheritance Works Differently In Programming
The joke here is a brilliant double entendre about inheritance. The first person mentions inheriting a COBOL codebase last touched by someone's mom in the 90s (literal inheritance), while the reply points out that's not how programming inheritance works (you know, the OOP concept where Child extends Parent, not where your actual parent leaves you legacy code). Nothing says "congratulations on your new job" quite like being handed 30-year-old COBOL that nobody understands anymore. The real inheritance tax is the mental breakdown you'll have trying to figure out why everything is in ALL CAPS and what PERFORM VARYING actually does.

Tale Of Two Code Migrations
Java AI Security Programming Backend
10 days ago 74.5K views 0 shares
Tale Of Two Code Migrations
OH SWEET MOTHER OF LEGACY CODE! On one side, IBM is using AI to translate ancient COBOL spells into modern Java incantations. On the other, some government agency named DOGE (not the meme, sadly) wants to rewrite MILLIONS of lines of Social Security code in MONTHS?! 😱 This is like watching two different approaches to defusing a nuclear bomb - one careful robot surgeon vs. a toddler with safety scissors and a "can-do" attitude. The entire financial future of American retirees hanging in the balance because someone thought "Hey, let's just YOLO this 60-year-old codebase real quick!" I'm having heart palpitations just thinking about it! For the uninitiated: COBOL is that programming language your grandpa used that refuses to die because it runs basically EVERYTHING important - banks, airlines, and yes, your social security checks. It's the digital equivalent of those load-bearing walls you definitely shouldn't knock down during your weekend renovation project.

Rewriting Twitter In COBOL: The Ultimate Legacy Upgrade
Programming Git Frontend Backend
12 days ago 85.8K views 2 shares
Rewriting Twitter In COBOL: The Ultimate Legacy Upgrade
Ah, the legendary GitHub pull request to rewrite Twitter in COBOL! For the uninitiated, COBOL is a programming language from the 1950s that's still running critical banking systems and government infrastructure, but about as suited for modern social media as a steam engine is for space travel. The satirical PR suggestion is pure comedy gold—imagine handling Twitter's real-time feeds and media processing with a language designed when computers took up entire rooms and "memory" meant physical punch cards! The 17 thumbs-up reactions show there are plenty of developers with a sense of humor (or masochistic tendencies). Meanwhile, somewhere a mainframe administrator is breaking into a cold sweat thinking about the 400-column code needed just to display a single tweet.

When Epoch Time Meets Political Commentary
Programming Debugging Databases
13 days ago 60.9K views 0 shares
When Epoch Time Meets Political Commentary
This is a masterclass in legacy systems biting back! The tweet explains how Social Security runs on COBOL (a programming language from the 1950s) where dates are stored using the ISO 8601 standard with an epoch starting 150 years ago (1875). So when a date is unknown, it defaults to zero, which COBOL interprets as 1875. The humor comes from Donald Trump Jr. misinterpreting Elon Musk's comment about this technical quirk as evidence of "150-year-old people collecting Social Security" – when it's actually just a database returning default epoch values! It's the perfect intersection of ancient programming languages, government systems that never get updated, and non-technical people drawing wild conclusions. Mainframe programmers are cackling while pouring another cup of coffee right now.

Times Are Tough
Programming Databases Backend
16 days ago 64.3K views 0 shares
Times Are Tough
The desperate plight of the modern developer captured in SpongeBob meme format! Mr. Krabs stands before a tombstone marked "#1 COBOL", contemplating whether to disturb the resting place of this ancient programming language for financial gain... before immediately diving in headfirst. COBOL (Common Business-Oriented Language) was created in 1959 and powers approximately 70% of banking transaction systems and 95% of ATM swipes. Despite being declared "dead" countless times, COBOL developers can earn $100k+ salaries simply because nobody wants to learn it anymore. The skills shortage is so severe that during the pandemic, several states desperately called retired COBOL programmers back to work. The grave-digging metaphor is painfully accurate - learning COBOL feels like exhuming digital archaeology, but the financial rewards make even the most principled developers reconsider their stance!

What Is God's Favorite Programming Language
Programming Backend
27 days ago 67.1K views 0 shares
What Is God's Favorite Programming Language
God checking in on Earth only to discover his beloved COBOL is no longer the programming superstar?! THE HORROR! 😱 For the uninitiated, COBOL is that ancient programming language from the 1950s that's basically the technological equivalent of a dinosaur that REFUSES to go extinct. It's still running critical financial systems and government infrastructure because apparently rewriting that code would be like trying to perform heart surgery while skydiving. Meanwhile, God's up there clutching his pearls because JavaScript and Python have stolen his thunder. Sorry, big guy, but your precious COBOL is now just the weird grandparent of programming languages that banks can't bear to put in a retirement home!

Start Them Young
Programming Hardware Debugging Databases
1 month ago 113.7K views 1 shares
Start Them Young
Nothing says "responsible parenting" quite like abandoning your child with a mainframe computer from the 1970s and a COBOL manual! This is basically the programming equivalent of leaving your kid with dinosaurs as babysitters. That poor child is about to learn that semicolons aren't just for English class and that punch cards were the original "swipe right." The ultimate character-building exercise: debug COBOL or no dinner tonight! Honestly, this might explain why so many banking systems still run on ancient code - those traumatized children grew up and refused to ever touch the code again.