Main Event Match: The Startup Dream Team

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Content Doug Mataconis dmataconis That's not how this works. That's not how any of this works. 5. An orchestra of 120 players takes 40 minutes to play Beethoven's 9th Symphony. How long would it take for 60 players to play the symphony? Let P be number of players and T the time playing. ProdrammerHumor.io

Content MineCraft Logic Gates Air (Null) Switch (Input) Block Torch Torch Torch Redstone Redstone Redstone Redstone (Generic) (Side of Block) (On Ground) (Top of Block) (On Ground) (Top of Block) (Output) (Inverse Output) InputOutput Gate AND Gate OR Gate XOR Gate Rapid Pulser NOT Gate (Inverter) RS NOR Latch (Memory Cell) NAND Gate NOR Gate 'OR Gat RS NAND Latch (Memory Cell' 5-Clock Pulser 871 J 352 Share Scary to think I've been using this same image longer than I've been using my testicles. Reply 61

Content What's your secret that could literally ruin your life if it came out? I'm a Senior Software Engineer working for groundbreaking new super secretive projects for one of the companies in the top 10 of the Fortune 500. And 1 actually don't have the faintest clue what I'm doing. I Google almost everything and string things together in a sorta sensible way, and people are happy as can be for some reason. By now I'm pretty sure I'm in a social experiment, or maybe l'm the village idiot they have to entertain so that I don't go outside and break things that matter. They call it "imposter syndrome" but like, really, guys. I really don't know what the hell I'm doing. It's just Google answering my endless stream of questions. I only successfully passed the job interview because they gave me plenty of time (without me doing it live) to work on their job-interview-assignment. My six-figure salary feels so unjust. I often see people working at a fast food joint who seem smarter than I am. And I could set fire to a kettle boiling water; they're at least flipping burgers, which I can't do without causing gender-reveal-esque disasters.

The tech industry's relationship with the word "open" is like that ex who said they wanted an "open relationship" but actually meant "I want to see other people while you stay committed." On the left, we've got "Open" VPNs with fine print that would make a lawyer blush: "free" (after you pay), "unlimited" (for exactly two people), and source code you can view from such a distance you'll need the James Webb telescope. And then there's "Open" AI on the right—about as open as Fort Knox during a security drill. "Open research" (coming never), "open models" (just trust us, bro), and an "open culture" where sharing is strictly forbidden. After 15 years in tech, I've learned that "open" is corporate-speak for "we'll keep it open until we've captured enough market share to slam the door shut." Classic bait-and-switch, now with 100% more paywalls!

Ah, the legendary "dude-ception" of modern tech careers! You start as a backend developer, happy in your dark corner with databases and APIs. Then suddenly you're fixing CSS and arguing about button colors. Next thing you know, you're running sprint planning and explaining to stakeholders why features are "almost done." It's like wearing three different masks while your soul quietly questions every life decision that led to this point. The backend dev inside you is screaming while your manager persona is scheduling yet another meeting that could've been an email.