Don't Be Like John

Oh, the classic beginner's trap! Someone proudly announces their first "Hello World" program—the coding equivalent of learning to say "mama" as a baby—and gets mocked for being a noob. Then drops the ultimate flex: "Yeah, I wrote it in Assembly." For the uninitiated, writing Hello World in Assembly is like using a chisel and stone to write a grocery list when everyone else is using a pencil. It's unnecessarily hardcore and requires manipulating the computer at nearly its lowest level. While the cool kids are using Python with its cushy high-level abstractions, Assembly programmers are manually pushing bits around like digital coal miners. Nothing says "I'm not actually a beginner" quite like casually mentioning you're programming in a language that makes C look user-friendly.

Content When IT finally approved the admin privileges you asked for 30 vears ago

Someone searched for "guthib" instead of "github" and the absolute madlads at GitHub actually bought the domain just to tell you that you can't type. The passive-aggressive energy here is what fuels developer nightmares. It's like when your code fails and the error message is just "no." Except this time, a multi-billion dollar company went out of their way to roast your typing skills. Money well spent!

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Who needs proper branching strategies when you can just dump everything into one glorious commit? The top shows a complex git branch workflow with multiple feature branches merging together - you know, what they teach in those fancy "best practices" courses. Meanwhile, the bottom shows what we actually do: one straight line of commits because who has time for that organized nonsense? Nothing says "I'll fix it in production" quite like bypassing code reviews and merging directly to main. Git blame? More like git shame.

Content "Code is its own documentation" mters reading their code after a short break