The Immortal PHP: Still Not Dead In 2025

web development Programming languages Legacy code Language rivalry Tech trends Tech predictions Framework wars Zombie technologies Survivorship

php Javascript Programming Frontend Python

1 hour ago 15,096 views 0 shares

The Immortal PHP: Still Not Dead In 2025

php-memes, legacy-code-memes, web-development-memes, programming-languages-memes, tech-predictions-memes | ProgrammerHumor.io

For nearly three decades, developers have been declaring PHP's funeral while hyping the next hot framework. ColdFusion, ASP.net, Django, Rails, Flask, Angular, Next.js, Python—they've all taken turns as PHP's supposed executioner. Yet there it stands in 2025, like some immortal deity rising from the clouds, declaring "As you can see, I am not dead." PHP is basically the tech world's cockroach—it would survive a nuclear apocalypse while React is still trying to resolve its dependencies.

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We Teach A Million Languages In 3 Months

Ah yes, the classic "$800,000 bootcamp" that promises to transform you into a software engineer in just 3 months by teaching you *checks notes* approximately 87 programming languages, including some that barely exist anymore. Nothing says "legitimate education" like cramming Fortran, COBOL, and Assembly alongside React and TypeScript into 90 days. The "if you can't find a job you can spit on our faces" guarantee is the cherry on top of this scam sundae. Spoiler alert: The only thing you'll master in 3 months is how to lose $800K faster than a startup with free snacks and ping pong tables.

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Content Open Ticket Name Kyle Email Address kyle Subiect Please increase php memory limit to 2G Department Support Message B I Related Service Domain Priority Medium 66 Q Preview Howdy, We've got some customers stuck with 400 items in their cart (yeah, I know) on our Magento website ) that can't check out 'cause php. just can't handle this level of sheer processing pain. It's currently set at 700ishmb and I have about zero permissions to update the value and restart the server. Could you do that for me please? I'd hope 2 gigs is enough to stop customers from breaking things. And I was even stupid enough to replicate their issue on my own account. Now I'm locked out too. Please save me. I've become one of them. Sincerely, A very tired dev.

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