Building Mobile Apps With PHP: A Horror Story

The brutal truth about how developers survive their language of choice. C programmers ride motorcycles because they live dangerously with manual memory management. C++ devs mainline coffee to handle the complexity. C# folks need a variety of alcohol to cope with Microsoft's ecosystem. Python programmers use pacifiers because it's so beginner-friendly (but secretly they're babies). Haskell programmers need psychedelics to comprehend pure functional programming. Java devs pop Xanax to deal with enterprise verbosity and the JVM. JavaScript coders smoke weed to accept the chaos of the language. PHP programmers chain-smoke because they've made terrible life choices. And Rust programmers? They just wear cute socks because the compiler's strict safety checks make them feel warm and secure. Accurate? Probably more than we'd like to admit.

Content rProgrammerHumor PHP bad . 3251

Ah, the perfect programming language genealogy! Dad C is clearly the patriarch who spawned multiple generations of languages. His eldest son Objective C looks so proper, while PHP is that quirky middle child nobody quite understands. Little C# is literally Dad's mini-me, complete with glasses! Mom Java sits proudly with her pet Lisp (functional programming is her hobby, obviously). And then there's JavaScript - the rebellious teenager with the punk mohawk who probably tells everyone "I'm not really related to Java despite my name." The family resemblance is uncanny - syntax inheritance at its finest!

If programming languages were weapons of choice, this is what we'd all be carrying. C++ is basically that Swiss Army knife with 500 functions you'll never use but can't throw away. JavaScript? Those kitchen scissors that somehow cut everything except what you actually need them for. Python gets the chainsaw because it chops through problems with brute simplicity (until you hit a threading issue). Meanwhile, Assembly programmers are performing surgery with precision scalpels because they're controlling every single byte like the control freaks they are. And then there's Visual Basic... literally just a spoon. Not even a sharp spoon. The kind of tool you give to the intern who can't be trusted with anything dangerous. The real joke? We're all still getting paid to use these ridiculous tools to build things that somehow run the entire world. Sleep tight!

Content PROGRAMMING EXPLAINED WITH MUSIC PHP IS COUNTRI IT SUCKS BUT IT'S EVERYWHERE y toggl JAVASCRIPT 15 A ONE-MAN BAND. IT DOES EVERYTHING (THOUGE): IT PROBABLY SHOULDN'T C IS HARD ROCK - IT USED TO BE PRETTY POPULAR BUT MOST PEOPLE HAVE OUTGROWN CSS IS MUMBLE RAP- ANYONE CAN DO IT AND IT DOESN'T MAKE YOU A PROGRAMMER HASKELL IS JAZZ - COMPLEX, BUT INCREDIBLY pOWERFUL AND FLEXIBLE (IF YOU KNOW HOw USE SWIFT IS U2-YOU HavE IT BECAUSE APPLE GAVE IT O YOU JAVA IS AN OBSCURE 17-CENTURY SYMPHONY - YOU HAvE To TAKE A CLASS To KNOW ABOUT IT. LISP IS BLACK METAL - NO ONE UNDERSTANDS IT AND ITS FaNg MaKE PEOPLE NERVOUS MART VIRKUS '19

Content Me ProdrammerHumor.io Random guy on stackoverflow asking the same stupid question