Worst She Can Say Is No: Browser Edition

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Oh, the TRAUMA of modern OS interfaces! Look at that gorgeous Windows 7 start menu in all its organized, logical glory - before Microsoft decided we all needed to suffer through tiles, hidden menus, and updates that reorganize your entire digital existence without permission! Remember when you could actually FIND things without having to perform a sacred ritual and sacrifice your firstborn to Cortana? When settings weren't buried seventeen layers deep in a UI designed by someone who clearly hates humanity? Those transparent Aero effects were the PEAK of human achievement, and I will die on this hill! Modern Windows is just a dystopian hellscape where every feature you love disappears with each update. THE HORROR!

Microsoft Azure CTO declares C and C++ should be "deprecated" while his entire company runs on it. That's like a fish suggesting water is overrated. Next up: Windows will run on thoughts and prayers instead of kernel code. Meanwhile, Linux kernel devs, game engine programmers, and embedded systems engineers just collectively rolled their eyes so hard they saw their own brain stems.

Ah, the three horsemen of the apocalypse: Death, War, and Windows 11. The perfect trilogy of things humanity would rather live without. Microsoft really achieved something special here - creating an OS so frustrating it ranks alongside existential threats to civilization. Forced updates, incompatible hardware requirements, and that centered taskbar that nobody asked for... truly the stuff of nightmares. The real horror is how Windows 10 was "somewhat useable" by comparison. That's like saying paper cuts are "somewhat preferable" to amputation.

The tech industry's version of "free choice" is basically four monopolies in trench coats. Meanwhile, the actual freedom fighters are these obscure operating systems that require you to compile your own kernel just to check email. Sure, you could run Linux and spend your weekends debugging driver issues, or just surrender to the corporate overlords who've already divided your digital soul among themselves. Freedom is technically available—if you have a computer science degree and infinite patience.

THE SHEER AUDACITY of someone sending just "hey" on Teams! Like, seriously?! Are you trying to give me a heart attack?! 💀 That single word hanging there, menacingly, while I frantically try to figure out if I broke production, missed a deadline, or if my code just set the entire company on fire. The suspense is UNBEARABLE! Just tell me what catastrophe awaits so I can properly prepare my resignation letter, PLEASE!