The Wheel Trap

The eternal lie we tell ourselves before opening Steam or our closet. "I have nothing to play" says the developer with 347 unplayed games in their library. Same energy as "I have nothing to wear" while staring at a closet that could clothe a small village. The difference? At least clothes don't go on sale every other week tempting you with "90% OFF! BUY NOW OR REGRET FOREVER!" Wallet and storage space - the real victims in both scenarios.

Ubisoft trying to control your physical game copies is like trying to delete water with a fork. Sure, they can demand you destroy your discs when their servers shut down, but meanwhile, gamers have been quietly making backups since the dawn of time. It's the digital equivalent of telling someone to burn their book while they're standing in their personal library with 50 copies. Corporate DRM fantasies vs. reality: Round 1,254,789... and DRM still hasn't won a single match.

Remember when we thought Apple's RAM upgrade pricing was highway robbery? Fast forward to 2024, and RAM prices are skyrocketing while GPU prices keep promising to "fall any day now" like that friend who says they'll pay you back "next week." The crypto miners, AI boom, and supply chain chaos have turned hardware pricing into a twisted joke. Your $3000 gaming rig from last year? Practically vintage at this point. At least Apple's consistent with their extortion—everyone else is just getting creative with theirs.

OH MY GOD, the AUDACITY of this little brother making actual GAMES from SCRATCH while the rest of us are just gluing together AI libraries like absolute PEASANTS! 😱 The sheer BETRAYAL of watching your sibling learn Java and pixel art while you're trapped in NextJS dependency hell! But secretly? You're INSANELY proud because that kid is learning programming the hard way - building everything from the ground up instead of just importing someone else's solution. Your brother might be coding like it's 2005, but he's developing ACTUAL skills while you're just another AI-prompt engineer waiting for ChatGPT to fix your bugs. The future is his, and you know it!

The ultimate digital irony: Netflix shutting down games forever while the EU waves its "Stop Killing Games" flag in the background. It's the corporate equivalent of saying "I can't hear you over the sound of my profit margins!" This perfectly captures the disconnect between streaming giants and digital preservation. While gamers and regulators beg for ways to preserve online games after servers go offline, Netflix just hits the mute button and keeps serving those sweet, sweet streams. The real punchline? Those "forever offline" games are just lines of code that could totally be preserved—if anyone with power actually cared about digital heritage instead of quarterly earnings. Meanwhile, pirates are in the corner thinking "challenge accepted."

The absolute state of our priorities. Can't be bothered to work for half an hour, but suddenly have the focus of a zen master when it comes to grinding a game for 8 hours straight just to get some cosmetic item that literally nobody else will notice. The same energy as spending 5 hours automating a 10-minute task or debugging that one weird CSS issue instead of finishing the actual feature. And we wonder why our project deadlines always seem so... flexible.