matlab Memes

Let's face it—no matter which programming language is your "baby," you're still a card-carrying member of Nerdville. Population: you and everyone else reading this. The only exception? MATLAB users who get the prestigious title of "engineer AND nerd." That extra badge doesn't make your code run any faster though, just means you paid more for your license. And poor FORTRAN devs are just "old and nerd"—like that vintage Star Wars t-shirt you refuse to throw away despite the holes. Still compiling on that machine from 1995, aren't you?

This is the programming equivalent of asking for McDonald's and your mom saying "we have food at home" — except the food at home is MATLAB. If you've ever had the misfortune of using MATLAB, you know it's that weird cousin of programming languages that engineers and academics love but actual software developers avoid like a production bug on Friday afternoon. It's powerful for math and matrices (hence the name), but coding in it feels like trying to build a website using only a scientific calculator. The $2000+ license fee is just the cherry on top of this engineering department nightmare.

Oh. My. GOD. The AUDACITY of R claiming to be good for statistical computing while starting arrays at 1?! 💀 Meanwhile, Matlab users are sitting there with their smug little faces like "Welcome to the dark side, honey." They've been living in this one-indexed NIGHTMARE since the beginning of time! The rest of us zero-indexing purists are LITERALLY SHAKING right now. Starting arrays at 1 is the programming equivalent of putting pineapple on pizza – technically possible but morally questionable!

The eternal sin of the MATLAB programmer. Nothing screams "I'm about to ruin this friend group's day" like casually dropping that you index from 1 instead of 0. Non-MATLAB programmers look at you like you've just admitted to putting pineapple on code pizza. The social damage is irreversible - you're now forever branded as "that weirdo who starts counting at 1." No party invitation will ever feel the same again. The MATLAB logo at the bottom is basically the programming equivalent of a crime scene marker.

Oh look, an executive order for the MATLAB developers! The age-old religious war between array indexing at 0 vs 1 just got a new contender. While C, JavaScript, and Python devs start counting from 0 like sensible humans following computer memory offset logic, and MATLAB/R folks start at 1 like mathematical purists, here comes the decree that 2 is somehow the ultimate starting index. Next up: semicolons are now optional but randomly required, and all loops must be written backwards. The compiler will decide if your code runs based on its mood that day.

The eternal programmer struggle summed up perfectly! Our adventurer discovers the "scroll of truth" only to find out that MATLAB's bizarre 1-indexed arrays actually make mathematical sense. The immediate "NYEHHH" reaction and throwing the scroll away is every programmer who's been traumatized by switching between languages. Sure, it might make sense for math nerds, but try explaining that to my muscle memory after 10 years of array[0] . This is like finding out your arch-nemesis has a valid point - technically correct but I'll die on this zero-indexed hill anyway!

Content Bojan Tunguz v tunguz Distribution of illegal Matlabs in the US. Follow 6:00 PM Dec 1, 2024 834.2K Views 358 Reposts 78 Quotes 9,986 Likes 1,034 Bookmarks 17

Content Me: Can we go programming? Mom: No, we have a programming language at home Programming language at home: MATLAB The Language of Technical Computing