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Simulate Loading

Programming Webdev Javascript Debugging Frontend

23 days ago 131.7K views 0 shares

Simulate Loading

The dirty secret of app development: that fancy loading animation? Just Thread.sleep(5000) because the PM insisted on "showing progress." The client thinks we're doing complex calculations while the server's basically taking a nap. Sure, I could optimize the database query, but why bother when I can just shorten the artificial delay and look like a hero at the next sprint review?

Github In 2035

AI Devops Microsoft Programming Cloud

1 month ago 233.3K views 0 shares

Github In 2035

The year is 2035. Your GitHub page now takes 15 minutes to load because it's scanning your code with 47 different AI tools, showing ads for Microsoft products, and suggesting you upgrade to Copilot Premium Plus Pro Max. Meanwhile, your diff is still "loading in 2 seconds" like it has been for the past decade. Progress! The real kicker? You'll still need to explain to the AI assistant why your perfectly valid code isn't actually a security vulnerability for the 500th time this week. But hey, at least now it can suggest you build a Pong game while you wait!

The Illusion Of Progress

Javascript Webdev Programming Frontend

1 month ago 159.5K views 0 shares

The Illusion Of Progress

Remember when we had to intentionally slow down our code because users didn't trust anything that worked too efficiently? That's peak corporate logic right there. Nothing says "professional software" like artificially adding a 30-second loading bar to instant search results. Because apparently, if it doesn't make you wait, it can't possibly be working hard enough! The best part? Everyone was happier with the objectively worse product. Sometimes I wonder if we're actually moving backwards as a species...

PC "Turned On" But Not Ready For Duty

Windows Programming

2 months ago 162.8K views 0 shares

PC "Turned On" But Not Ready For Duty

When your PC says it's "turned on" but you know you've got 15 minutes of Steam and Discord updates before anything useful happens. The digital equivalent of a president stepping off Air Force One for a photo op while the actual work hasn't even started. Your computer isn't ready—it's just posing for the cameras.

The Fastest Editor In The West*

Microsoft Webdev Programming Frontend Backend

4 months ago 142.8K views 0 shares

The Fastest Editor In The West*

Microsoft employee proudly shows off VS Code as "my fastest editor" while completely oblivious to the fact that it's still activating extensions in the background. Anyone who's ever opened VS Code knows that feeling of false hope when you think you can start coding immediately, only to stare at that loading bar for what feels like several geological eras. Sure, it's "fast"... if your definition of fast includes time to brew coffee, contemplate existence, and perhaps learn a new programming language while waiting.

Perfect Logo For Your AI Vaporware

AI Programming

4 months ago 161.6K views 0 shares

Nothing says "I'm a serious AI startup" like using the universal symbol for "loading" as your logo. The German reply "perfectenschlag" is perfect - it's what Dwight from The Office used to describe "perfect pork anus" but also "perfect day." Just like this logo perfectly represents what most AI startups deliver - an eternal loading screen with nothing behind it. Venture capitalists, please form an orderly queue.

Ten Minutes To Check A Nickname

Webdev Javascript Programming Frontend

5 months ago 192.1K views 0 shares

Ten Minutes To Check A Nickname

When your Discord registration is secretly running on a 486 processor from 1992. Ten minutes to check a nickname? In that time I could compile the Linux kernel, refactor my entire codebase, AND question all my life choices that led me to this moment. The spinning circle of doom is probably just a single-threaded function checking if your nickname contains any forbidden characters while simultaneously mining cryptocurrency on the side.