PC "Turned On" But Not Ready For Duty

Content How to fix any computer The Oatmeal http:theoatmeal.com Windows Step I. Reboot Did that fix it? No? Proceed to step 2 Step a. Format hard drive. Reinstall Windows. Lose all your files. Quietly weep. Apple Step I. Take it to an Apple store. Did that fix it? No? Proceed to step a Step 2. Buy a new Mac. Overdraw your account. Quietly weep. Linux Step 1. Learn to code in Ct. Recompile the kernel. Build your own microprocessor out of spare silicon you had lying around. Recompile the kernel again. Switch distros. Recompile the kernel again but this time using a CPU powered by refracted light from Saturn. Grow a gant beard. Blame Sun Microsystems. Turn your bedroom into a server closet and spend ten years falling asleep to the sound of whirring fans. Switch distros again. Abandon all hygiene. Write a regular expression that would make other programmers cry blood. Learn to code in Java Recompile the kernel again (but this time while wearing your lucky socks) Did that fix it? No? Proceed to step a n Step a. Revert back to using Windows or a Mac Quietly weep.

Ah, the rare sight of someone who actually paid for WinRAR. The nobility of the 18th century had powdered wigs and fancy coats. The nobility of the digital age? People who click "Buy" instead of "Close" on that 40-day trial reminder that's been popping up since 1997. Truly the aristocracy of our time.

Ah yes, the classic "I built a computer but have no way to install an OS" problem. That moment when your engineering prowess meets its match in the form of a USB adapter chain that looks like it came straight from a hardware hacker's fever dream. Nothing says "I'm a professional" quite like downloading Windows through a phone connected to a flash drive via what appears to be three different adapter technologies stacked together like some sort of cursed tech sandwich. The modern equivalent of using stone tools to build a spaceship.

Microsoft's approach to Blue Screen of Death bugs is like finding a 26-year-old bug in your codebase and pretending it's a new feature. Windows 95 to Windows 11? That's not legacy code, that's an heirloom passed down through generations of developers! The real question is whether Microsoft fixes bugs or just creates elaborate workarounds while counting cash. Hey, if it crashed for your grandparents, it should crash for you too—tradition matters!

The AUDACITY of this tiny $5 speaker! There you are, lying in bed, completely BAFFLED why your precious computer won't work, while this smug little piece of hardware is DESPERATELY trying to communicate with you through its primitive language of beeps and boops! It's literally SCREAMING diagnostic codes at you while you stare blankly at the ceiling wondering if you should just throw the whole PC away. And then the MOMENT OF REVELATION hits you like a truck - "Oh wait, that annoying little speaker I never paid attention to was actually trying to SAVE MY LIFE this whole time?!" The betrayal you feel towards yourself is immeasurable.

Content Windows Developer windowsdev Tell us you're a developer without telling us you're a developer. 10:53 PM 13 Jan 21 Sprinklr Publisher 184 Retweets 231 Quote Tweets 1,941 Likes 17 daM CodeSnail codesnail 1s Replying to windowsdev I'm using Linux 17 v