Corporate logic Memes

First, companies complain about dev shortages. Then they admit it's actually good devs they can't find. Next revelation? Good devs exist but won't commute to their sad little cubicle farms. So what's the brilliant corporate solution? Hire offshore talent! The mental gymnastics here deserve a gold medal. Instead of creating remote-friendly environments or—heaven forbid—competitive compensation, companies would rather deal with time zone chaos and communication barriers than let their precious ping-pong tables gather dust. Remember kids, nothing says "we value talent" like threatening PIP (Performance Improvement Plans) when someone doesn't want to spend 2 hours daily in traffic just to Slack message the person sitting 6 feet away.

The classic tech industry paradox in four panels. Companies scream about dev shortages while rejecting perfectly good candidates. Meanwhile, entry-level devs can't even get interviews because they need 5 years of experience in a 2-year-old framework and a PhD in quantum computing to qualify for a junior position. The hiring manager's solution? Violence, apparently. Much easier than fixing broken ATS systems that filter out qualified candidates or reconsidering those "entry-level" job descriptions requiring 10 years of experience.

Adding more developers to a stuck project is like adding more people to drive a cart stuck in mud. The obvious solution? More horsepower to pull it out. The corporate solution? Add more drivers who'll just sit there smoking while the same horse struggles. Next sprint planning meeting, I'll just bring this picture instead of speaking. Saves everyone 45 minutes.

The eternal paradox of software development budgets! Companies will pinch pennies when it comes to investing in proper architecture, clean code, or adequate testing time... but then magically find a mountain of cash when it's time to rewrite the entire codebase because the technical debt finally collapsed like a house of cards. It's the corporate equivalent of refusing to pay for an oil change but happily buying a new engine when the old one seizes up. Technical debt interest rates are brutal , folks!

Measuring developer productivity by lines of code is like measuring aircraft building progress by weight. The irony here is delicious – the engineers who write the most elegant, efficient code that handles critical infrastructure like security and performance probably wrote the fewest lines. Good security code is minimal and precise. Meanwhile, the person who copy-pasted 10,000 lines from Stack Overflow to make a button slightly rounder just got promoted to Chief Engineer. The tech industry's equivalent of promoting surgeons based on how many incisions they make rather than how many patients survive.