Dream Job Turned Nightmare

Bootcamps out here watching the tech job market burn like a dystopian hellscape while desperately trying to sell their $25k JavaScript courses. Nothing says "great investment" quite like spending the price of a decent used car to learn React hooks while senior devs with 10 years of experience are getting ghosted by recruiters. The timing couldn't be worse—it's like selling swimming lessons on the Titanic. These bootcamps promised you'd be making six figures in 3 months, but forgot to mention that "junior developer" positions now require 5 years of experience, a CS degree, and the ability to single-handedly architect a distributed system. But hey, at least you'll know how to center a div... for only 25 grand.

Content Left Terror Cell Asset Has a PhD Actively targets CS maiors. CCP Cybersecurity Engineer Linux Kernel Engineer Unemployed Graduate Has a decendA can' write a resu Applied to 200 obs Minecraft Modder Williterally only brosram for Open-Source Developer Started coding dicer they waccie the hate has 10 in the Masters Student All heir rends are emploved Regrets pursuing higher educatio Independent Game Developer has n attormer rames for 34.3g on Steam, sells Authoritarian VR Chat Dev Investment Firm Hasn'been ourside since March 2020 Developer One of 3 devs in the whole company Made 65k Legacy Codebase Programmer Maintains a Government Contractor Makes below-average salar The CS Professor confecenters divan sos Devops Hasn't sleottor 2 hou On call 247 FANG Engineer Has solved every cetcode program Asp.Net Dev Only knows Cs and SOL. Laid Off Engineer Spent 10 years in the same job. doy a new gra promo update All-Women Startup Carbon Developer 1.7M followers on Linkedin, Language released 2 weeks ago, culture in "Disrupting' Will fervently defend Carbon on al 13K points on Stack Overflow Knows deep down abandoned by Goo AAA Game Dev JavaScript Dev Never wont to college craned Worked go hours his Tries to interset with damere on Knows Data Science Engineer Dion cover Eastern European Developer Makes S15kyear Milacceptany Gitlab ticket Empornium Admin Expert in peer-to-peer data transfer Weheite lil haen't changed since GENAS Libertarian Lockheed Martin Rocket Telemetry Engineer Has to pass a drug The Fed ber of extremis Discor Ex-military Engineer on HR-mandated Paid Leave sexua harassment Will get fired In aweeks Electrical Engineer Took one procramming class in colles NSA cybersecurity asset Has access to state secrets will he assassinated by the sovemment after they've completed their The Saudi Exchange Student Vent to an American niversitu Returned to Saudi Arabia to work for a The Job Hopper Will switch jobs every 12 months, gets a 20' raise every time Contributes bai on 4Chan John McAfee Wanted by federal authorities had a chance to cash out ears Python Developer spends hou Schizophrenic Developer Defense Contractor Contributes to develooment of someone go a Silk Road Admin Wanted by the FB Onlv uses oublic wisrand Tails

Content STOP DOING COMPUTER SCIENCE Computers were supposed to solve math, NOT to be programmed C is a LETTER, not a language Wanna print() something? Write it in a PAPER with a PEN "I'm writing a recursive method with threads to optimize the CPU usage in a 0.02" THIS IS A NONSENSICAL STATEMENT MADE BY DERANGED PEOPLE Look at what PROGRAMMERS have been demanding your respect for, after all the led lights we put in their computers: (This is real COMPUTER SCIENCE, done by real COMPUTER SCIENTISTS): edev a EDEV BASEename exist ok True) actidir CONDABASEename'etccondaa deacdir CONDABASEename etcconda os. makedirs (acts dir, existok True) os.makedirs deac exist con actidir'edevon.sh' eoff a deac dir'edevoff.sh' if not os.path.is link(con): os. symlink(BIN'edevon.sh', con) if not os-path os.symlink(BIN x Syntax error on token throws interface exp Syntax error on token expected after this tC Syntax error, insert SimpleName to complete Qi Syntax error, insert Identifier ( to complete Meth Syntax error, insert to complete MethodDeclar Syntax error on token expected Java(1610612 asyntax error on token expected after this toke Syntax error, insert J to compiete InterfaceBod TextProcessorUsing Hashmaps.java The method fileAnalysish is undefined for the type FUNNY COLORED LETTERS 178 COMPILATION ERRORS????? A FAKE TEAPOT YOU CAN'T USE IF PROGRAMMING WAS REAL HOW COME NOBODY THOUGHT IN DOING while(true) print(money); THEY PLAYED US FOR ABSOLUTE FOOLS

Regular Pooh: Cramming all your logic into a single conditional statement like some kind of barbaric code caveman. Tuxedo Pooh: Creating descriptive boolean variables that make your code self-documenting and actually readable by humans who aren't trying to decode the Da Vinci code. The real high IQ move isn't writing clever one-liners—it's writing code that won't make your future self contemplate a career change when you revisit it in six months.

Content You shouldn't use client javascript to access databases for several reasons (bad practice, security issues, etc) but if you really want to do this, here is an example: 748 var connection new Activexobject ("ADODB .Connection") ; var connectionstring "Data Source server; Initial Catalogcatalog ;User IDuser; Password connection. Open (connectionstring); new ActiveXObject ("ADODB. Recordset"); rs. Open ("SELECT FROM table", connection); rs.MoveFirst while(!rs.eof) document.writers.fields (1)); rs.movenext; rs. close; connection. close; A better way to connect to a sql server would be to use some server side language like PHP, Java, NET, among others. Client javascript should be used only for the interfaces. And there are rumors of an ancient legend about the existence of server javascript, but this is another story. ;) Share Edit Follow Flag edited Jun 24 '09 at 13:27 answered May 13 09 at 12:29 Fabio Vinicius Binder 12.5k 4 30 32

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