Trying To Learn A Young Language, Using A Tutorial That's More Than A Year Old

Oh look, another UI/UX "improvement" that strips away all useful details! Left: Earth with its messy continents, textures, and actual information. Right: The designer's "clean" version—a minimalist gradient sphere that tells you absolutely nothing but looks "modern." This is basically what happens when the design team gets too much power in a sprint planning meeting. "Users don't need to see countries, that's information overload! Let's simplify!" Next update: continents will be available as a premium subscription feature.

STOP THE MADNESS! React developers have officially lost their minds with this absurd syntax from the "future." The code using use = useUsing("using") is like the JavaScript equivalent of saying "Buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo" but somehow WORSE! 💀 React hooks were already confusing enough with their useState , useEffect , useContext , useReducer , useMemo , useCallback , useRef , and now they're just trolling us with useUsing ?! Is this what we've come to? Next they'll release useUseUsingUsedUses and expect us to keep our sanity!

The dream: "I'll use Flutter and write my app once for all platforms!" The reality: You end up writing it twice anyway because something always breaks on either Android or iOS. The bell curve shows that the average developers (the 68% in the middle) smugly believe cross-platform tools save time, while both the complete novices and the battle-scarred experts (the 0.1% on both ends) know the painful truth. Cross-platform frameworks are basically the tech equivalent of those "one size fits all" clothing items that somehow manage to fit nobody correctly.

The AUDACITY of developers thinking they're coding geniuses while their entire app is basically a yacht being dragged by a truck labeled "node_modules" containing 1000 open source packages! Honey, you're not writing code—you're just playing LEGO with other people's blocks! That smug little horse on the yacht thinking they're Captain Code while the REAL heroes are towing their entire career behind them on the highway of dependency. The delusion is BREATHTAKING! 💅

The modern software development lifecycle: pour some StackOverflow solutions and GitHub snippets into your old project, call it a new web app, and hope nobody notices the coffee stains. Who needs original code when you can just recycle the same 5 functions you've been using since 2015? The "pour and pray" method is basically 90% of web development at this point. Bonus points if you rename a few variables to make it look like you actually wrote something new.

When the product manager proudly announces support for 86-inch displays while the frontend devs are sweating bullets trying to figure out how to make that responsive layout not explode. Nothing quite captures the silent horror of realizing your carefully crafted CSS is about to be stretched across a display the size of a small country. The PM's excitement is directly proportional to the developer's existential dread. Meanwhile, somewhere in the codebase: max-width: 1200px; /* nobody will ever need more than this */